Falling Away
by VoodooQueen
Summary: Kolyat has spent most of his life hating his father for abandoning him when he needed him the most. Bitter and angry, he tries to make sense of Thane's reappearance in his life while Thane tries to make up for his mistakes in the short time they have left together. Eventual Kolyat X OC and whatever else strikes my fancy...because there aren't enough Kolyat fics out there!
1. Chapter 1

**Falling Away**

**Chapter 1**

**By Voodoo Queen**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Author's Note: Hello, Dear Readers. Thank you so much for taking time out to read my fanfiction. I know there are those among you who are awaiting updates to my other stories but to be honest, I'm stumped. Writer's block is nothing to play with as many of you are all too well aware. So, I've been spending my time playing videogames, watching movies, and surfing the internet looking for inspiration. Sadly, I have yet to really find anything to get the old creative juices flowing. However, my foray back into gaming implanted this little narrative in my brain and I figured I may as well write it down. I hope you all enjoy. Love ya! And now for some legal mumbo jumbo…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything other than my own original characters and my measly, little plot. All the good stuff belongs to their respective copyright holders. **

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

All things considered, he supposed it could be worse. No, scratch that. He knew without a doubt that it could be worse. Instead of community service on the Citadel he could be rotting in a prison somewhere. If he had been anyone else, he was certain, things would have gone down much, much differently. His ill-fated foray into his father's trade had started a chain reaction of events that he felt almost helpless to stop. His eidetic memory chose the most inopportune times to replay his trip down to the 800 Blocks to assassinate the turian, Joram Talid, and the subsequent interruption by Commander John Shepard and his father.

Kolyat Krios, snorted in derision as he quickly pulled on the C-Sec trainee uniform he had been provided with by Captain Bailey. If it was one thing he hated dwelling on above all others it was his father. Thane Krios was little better than a stranger to him. When Kolyat had been but a very small boy, he had idolized his father above all others. If he had the mind to, he could remember times he had spent with his father playing games, reading stories and laughing along with his mother. Those memories, however, were few and far between and greatly outnumbered by the volumes of memories in which his father simply wasn't there.

It hadn't happened all at once. It had been a gradual process. His father's 'business trips' slowly become longer and more frequent. Eventually it had reached the point to where even when Thane was home with his wife and son he wasn't really there. He would be locked away in his office working on the details of his next assignment. He was too consumed by his job to engage in any of the activities they had once enjoyed as a family. He hadn't even the time, apparently, to spend a few minutes 'dancing crazy' with the young son he claimed to have so much affection for. Work came first. Work always came first.

Kolyat had been too young to understand what his father was doing for a living back then. His mother, Irikah, had always covered for his father. Why she did, Kolyat would never understand. In his mind, Thane had abandoned her just as much as he had abandoned him but the woman had been steadfast and loyal to the very end. Where had all her care, love, and concern for the man got her? Dead, that's where. Irikah Krios had loved her husband with a passion and for that she had been murdered by his father's enemies leaving Kolyat virtually an orphan when Thane, too, had disappeared after her funeral only to reappear in his life only a few short weeks ago.

Kolyat had spent a long time hating the man and blaming him for all of the problems he had in his life. He still wasn't fond of him but Thane's admission of responsibility for his mother's death and his acknowledgement that he had not been the father to him that he should have been somewhat tempered his hostility. At least the man could admit he fucked up beyond all reason. Kolyat would give him at least that much credit. There was, however, a huge chasm between admitting one's mistakes and being forgiven for making them. Kolyat wasn't ready to forgive and it was physically impossible for him to forget even if he had wanted to.

Then, of course, there was his father's condition. Though Thane Krios looked like a healthy man in his prime based on outward appearances, his body had been ravaged by Kepral's Syndrome for many years. Kolyat hadn't realized just how far gone his father was until an extreme coughing fit during one of their lunch meetings had resulted in the older Drell bringing up thick, dark blood in an amount that would have prompted any other person to run to the nearest emergency room for help. The elder Krios had waived off his son's concern for his health and had casually picked up their conversation where they had been interrupted and continued on as if he weren't slowly drowning in his own bodily fluids. Kolyat found himself hating his father anew for that.

Though he often felt like an orphan, Kolyat knew he wasn't far from being one in the truest sense of the word. He was surprised how much that knowledge affected him. Certainly, he barely knew his father but the thought that the man could pass at any given time leaving him without any immediate family at all caused something to twist painfully in his chest. That feeling, too, made him angry. He didn't want to care as much as he did and he would never admit it aloud but he still felt like that little boy back on Kahje every time he and his father parted ways after a meeting, wondering if he would ever get the chance to see him again.

After the coughing incident at lunch, Kolyat had tried to speak with his father about treatment options. There was no cure for Kepral's as of yet but there were treatments that could significantly improve the quality and span of life. There were medications, immunosuppressant therapies, and lung transplants all of which had been shown to improve symptoms of the disease. Thane had outright dismissed the notion stating that he had come to terms with his impending death and that there were people much more deserving of medication intervention than he was. He claimed that his final act, to reunite with the son he had left behind so long ago had been the last thing he had wished to accomplish before he left his physical body. The casual dismissal had enraged Kolyat.

Who did Thane Krios think he was? Who was he to think he could just walk back into his life after walking out on him? Who was he to think an apology and admission of guilt could make up for a dead mother and his prolonged and unexplained absence? What kind of person would walk back into their child's life after years of estrangement, proclaim their sorrow, affection and hope for more time to right the wrongs that had been done and follow that all up by refusing to seek help for a terminal illness? In Kolyat's eyes, his illness was just another way his father had found to abandon him except when it happened this time there would be no coming back to ask forgiveness…not that Kolyat had any plans on granting it in the first place.

Kolyat cursed when a quick check of his omni tool showed him he was going to be late for his assignment…again. Quickly, he finished dressing and headed out of the small studio apartment that had been provided for him by C-Sec under the direction of Commander Shepard and headed toward the rapid transit terminal. He knew Captain Bailey had been more than generous by not hauling his scaly blue carcass off to jail and he was grateful for the opportunity Shepard had arranged allowing him to work off his debt to society within C-Sec rather than go to trial and take his chances. He also knew he wasn't doing a very good job of showing his gratitude but really couldn't find it in himself to care.

He was do bogged down in his own memories and angst that it made him nearly oblivious to those around him. Where a loving, optimistic young boy had been all those years ago there was now an angry, bitter young man. He didn't have any friends to speak of and the only family he had other than his father were his mother's relatives back on Kahje. He kept everyone at arm's length. It was far easier for him to hold on to the anger and discontent than it was for him to admit the truth of the matter.

Kolyat Krios was afraid.

When his father had left him after his mother's death, he had been convinced that it had to have been something he had done wrong to cause him to go and not come back. Time had only worked to reinforce the idea in Kolyat's mind that he was unwanted. Though his extended family had shone him love he had always felt himself more of a burden or obligation to Irikah than a true member of the family. He could see the pity in the eyes when they looked at him and thought he wasn't paying attention. He heard them when they spoke about him in hushed whispers they thought his ears weren't sensitive enough to hear. He had always been the odd one out and there remained in the back of his mind the fear that he would do or say the wrong thing and they would leave him as well.

That niggling fear was always there even now as a young adult. Kolyat didn't do relationships, familial or otherwise. Relationships required some modicum of emotional investment. Emotional investment only made it that much more painful when the other person walked away as history had proven that they would. Kolyat was already broken. He didn't think he'd be able to survive another emotional upheaval of that magnitude again. Why couldn't his father understand that?

The trip to C-Sec was a fast one and one that was over before Kolyat even realized it had begun as he was so lost in thought. He gave himself a quick once over to make sure his uniform was in order after his morning rush. Attempting to banish his feelings of self-loathing and prepare mentally for the lecture on the importance of punctuality he was sure to receive from Bailey, Kolyat made his way into C-Sec.

"Krios! My office! Now!" Captain Bailey's voice rang out over the sound of the constant hustle and bustle that was C-Sec.

Kolyat cringed but made his way to the Captain's office as instructed. He really couldn't blame the man's irritation. If the roles were reversed, he'd be irritated with him, too. He stepped inside the room, his onyx eyes roving over the fine details of the older man sitting behind the desk and committing them to memory without even trying, and tried to adopt a casual pose with his hands clasped loosely behind his back. He tried unsuccessfully to swallow the ever-present lump in his throat and waited for the man to speak.

Captain Bailey looked the young drell over with a critical eye before giving a tired sigh and getting down to business. "Son, are you trying to end up in prison because you're cutting it real close."

"No," Kolyat's dark eyes widened. "No, sir. I know I was late this morning-"

"And yesterday morning and the morning before that and the morning before that," Bailey shook his head in disappointment. "You've been here for three weeks and you haven't been on time once, Krios."

"I'm sorry," Kolyat lowered his eyes in apology.

"Don't be sorry. There are enough sorry people in the galaxy." Bailey rose from his seat and came around the desk. He crossed his arms over is chest and regarded the young man before him carefully. "This isn't about oversleeping or procrastination. What's really going on?"

"Nothing is going on," Kolyat denied with an irritated huff. "I was late, that's all. I'm sorry and it won't happen again."

"Kolyat," Bailey sighed. "We humans have a saying. Actions speak louder than words. Your mouth is telling me one thing but your behavior is suggesting something entirely different."

"Yeah, well," Kolyat rolled his eyes. "There's a lot of that going around."

"Look," Bailey started, "I know this situation with your father-"

"I don't want to talk about my father!" Kolyat's voice came out sounding more hostile than he had intended and the flanging nearly drowned out his words. Belatedly he added, "Please…"

Bailey studied the drell for another long moment. He opened his mouth to say something more but seemed to think better of it. Instead, he retreated back to the other side of his desk to rummage through the massive stacks of data pads and paperwork on his desk. Pulling what appeared to be a thick stack of paper from beneath a pile, he returned to stand before Kolyat.

"Here." Bailey thrust the stack toward the younger man. "If you don't want to talk you can work."

Kolyat took the stack with a raised brow and more than a little relief. "What's this?"

"Public request for information." Bailey inclined his head towards the papers. "You know those late night muggings that have been happening down around the ship docks over the last couple weeks or so?"

"Yeah," Kolyat nodded. "I overheard one of the officers on that case saying the guy is getting more violent towards his victims. He said he messed the last lady he mugged up pretty bad."

"Yeah, well, we finally managed to catch the bastard on security cam. Tech managed to clean up the image enough that we're hoping someone may be able to recognize the scumbag. I want you to take these flyers and post them around the Citadel in places where they can be easily seen. You know, high traffic areas where people gather, eat, shop…think you can handle that?"

"I, uh, yeah," Kolyat stuttered. Typically, his community service duties entailed things like janitorial work and filing away reports for C-Sec officer freeing them up to work on bigger and better things. Gods how he hated filing. To be asked to help with the actual investigation of a crime, even if it was just posting up flyers asking the public for information, make Kolyat feel like he was actually a part of something bigger than himself if only for a fleeting moment. "I mean, yes. Yes, sir."

Bailey gazed at Kolyat for another long moment and then nodded to himself, seemingly pleased that he had found whatever it was he had been looking for. "Alright, Krios. Get out of here and get to work."

Kolyat straightened, flyers clutched in his hands, and nodded. "Yes, sir."

Bailey watched the young drell turn to leave. Despite what Kolyat had tried to do, he knew Shepard had been right on the money about him. He wasn't a bad kid. He was just confused and hurt. Those two elements combined often led people to do things they wouldn't have even considered otherwise. He hoped the boy's father would be able to mend some of the damage time had caused between them before he died.

Bailey hadn't been lying when he told Shepard that Thane Krios wasn't the first man to mess up raising a son. Bailey had experienced plenty of his own struggles with his children over the years and so could sympathize with the elder Krios to a point. He had spoken with Thane several times over the last few weeks as the drell was adamant about checking in regarding Kolyat's progress and wellbeing. It was painfully obvious to Bailey that the man loved his son deeply and had truly believed he had been doing right by him by staying away. The regret he always felt radiating off of the drell during their meetings was nearly suffocating in its intensity.

He knew Thane was only now realizing the entire scope and breadth of the hurt his leaving had caused his son. The impact on the boy had been immense. Father and son needed time to sort through the mess that had been made of their lives and time, unfortunately, was a commodity they didn't have enough of. Bailey was aware that the inevitability of Thane's death hung unsaid between the two and the tension that it caused between them was hindering the healing process. His hope for them was that they could move passed that and take advantage of what time they did have before it was too late.

"I don't get paid enough for this." Captain Bailey grunted as he plopped back down into his chair. He scrubbed a hand down his face and groaned wearily. "I hope you're appreciative of all the mental anguish you're putting me through with this pair, Shepard. God Almighty…"

**End of Chapter 1**


	2. Chapter 2

**Falling Away**

**Chapter 2**

**By Voodoo Queen**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Author's Note: Thank you very much to all who took the time to read the last chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything other than my own original characters and my measly, little plot. All the good stuff belongs to their respective copyright holders. **

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

The Presidium was the central hub of life on the Citadel but Kolyat had never taken the time to really explore during the time he'd spent on the station. When he'd left Kahje he'd done so with a singular purpose and hadn't anticipated spending more time on the Citadel than was necessary to complete his task. His plans had fallen apart quickly and the reunion with his father had further complicated things leaving him little time to even think straight let alone sightsee. Now, however, placing C-Sec flyers in the windows of various businesses and at strategic foot traffic locations, he could appreciate the engineering marvel the Citadel was.

The artificial sun light was comfortably warm on the exposed scales of his face and arms. All around him people of different species and races shopped, socialized, and ate together. It was peaceful in the sense that the buzz of those around him helped to drown out his own thoughts and kept him focused on his task. It felt good not to think and simply do. The task he performed was cathartic in its own way, allowing him the freedom of physical movement which helped to burn off some of his nervous energy. It was certainly more enjoyable than being cooped up inside the C-Sec offices performing menial labor tasks and definitely provided a greater sense of accomplishment.

Kolyat was about halfway through the stack of flyers Baily had provided him and still had quite a bit of ground to cover before he could call himself done for the day. He was loathe to admit it but he was actually enjoying himself for the first time in a long time. Being outdoors, simulated as it was, had lifted his spirits somewhat. The artificiality of the environment didn't really bother him all that much. He had spent most of his life in simulated environments, first the environmental domes on Kahje that protected his people from the smothering humidity of the Hanar's planet and now the carefully cultivated greenery inside the Citadel's hull. One day, he mused absently, it may be nice to feel the true heat of a sun upon his iridescent, blue scales and grass sprung from actual earth beneath his feet rather than its industrially produced equivalent.

He paused in his work momentarily and looked down at the flyers he carried and studied the photo pulled from the surveillance tapes himself. The suspect in question appeared to be a pale-skinned human male. Dressed in dark clothes, a hood pulled up over his head throwing his face into shadow, it was hard to discern the man's features for certain. Still, he hoped his work, as pleasantly distracting as it was, wouldn't be in vain and that someone would recognize the grainy image on the paper. Glancing around himself he scouted for another location to place a flyer when his eyes landed on a storefront with a sign implying that the shop in question catered to the culinary tastes of the dextro-based crowd.

With a sigh, Kolyat made his way through the pedestrian traffic and pushed his way into the small shop. The chime on the door must have alerted the Turian shopkeeper of a potential customer as the female came out of a small room in the back just as Kolyat reached the counter. The turian's mandibles pulled wide in what the drell assumed was a smile. If he were honest, however, turian smiles were more than a little intimidating what with all of those razor sharp teeth. Not wanting to be rude, however, Kolyat forced his dark eyes away from the woman's mouth and returned her smile with one of his own. His own full lips stretched to reveal perfectly straight, white teeth.

"Welcome," the shopkeeper greeted. "How can I help you? Looking for anything specific."

"Uh, well," Kolyat began. "I was actually hoping you could help me, uh, C-Sec, that is."

"Oh," the turian cocked her head in a birdlike manner. "How so?"

"You see," Kolyat handed the woman one of the fliers and proceeded with the same explanation he'd given every other shopkeeper he'd spoken to since he'd started the job. "There have been some muggings down on the docking level. C-Sec has been able to pull a picture of the suspect from the security cams. I'm out here today handing out fliers to see if anyone knows the man in this photo or has any information on his whereabouts. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind posting this up, maybe in a window or somewhere near the register in the hope that maybe one of your customers may recognize the guy."

"I see," the shopkeeper gave Kolyat a once over, apparently noticing his blue uniform with the C-Sec insignia for the first time. The woman nodded. "I'm always happy to help the community in any way I can Officer…." The turian laughed albeit a bit embarrassed. "I'm sorry I didn't get your name."

"Krios," Kolyat began, "But I'm not an-"

"Officer Krios," the woman cut him off and nodded, mostly to herself, before pressing on. "I'd be happy to put one up in the window. Anything to help make our community safer."

"Uh, th-thanks," Kolyat stuttered.

"Oh, no!" The turian smiled again. "Thank you! Its people like you who put on that uniform every day and put their lives in danger so that the rest of us can sleep in peace at night who deserve the gratitude. I'm just glad I can contribute to the cause in some small fashion."

Kolyat watched at the shopkeeper scurried away to stick the C-Sec flier up in the front window of the shop. Seeing his opportunity to escape from the overzealous and seriously mistaken turian, he slipped out the front doors and back into the throng of people moving through the Presidium. He slipped into a narrow passageway between two stores to regain his bearings. The woman had absolutely no idea who he was, he realized. She didn't know that his father was a master assassin who had abandoned him as a young boy. She didn't know that his mother had been brutally murdered by his father's enemies. She didn't know that he had attempted to get closer to his father by following in his footsteps by nearly murdering someone.

The shopkeeper had seen the blue C-Sec uniform and had immediately thought the best of him. She saw someone who served the community and protected its citizens. She saw someone who stood up for what was right and what was lawful. She saw a good person with a great sense of civic duty. It didn't matter if it was all a lie or not, that he wasn't that person. For that one moment he didn't feel like a delinquent serving out a community service term. He was…"

"Officer Krios," Kolyat let the words roll off his tongue. It did have a bit of a ring to it, didn't it? _Kolyat Krios, C-Sec Officer…_ Ah, what was he thinking? He shook his head but couldn't stop the smile that still pricked at the corners of his mouth. "Officer Krios…hmph…yeah, right." With a final huff Kolyat pushed away from the wall he was leaning against determined to finish up so that he could head back home to his tiny apartment when his good mood came to a sudden, bone-jarring halt.

"Ooof!" Kolyat wasn't certain exactly what it was the knocked all of the air from his lungs. He felt as though he had run full tilt into a brick wall but then again, he had also hit the ground with all the grace and finesse of a drunken varren causing all of his fliers to scatter all over the place. It could have been either/or.

"Hey, blue lizard man, watch where you're going! Next time I smash you instead of move you out of way!"

Kolyat was able to gain his senses back in enough time to see a krogan shoot him a rude hand gesture and disappear into the crowd. _Krogan…_Kolyat growled. They were built like tanks and just as personable. Pushing himself back up into a sitting position he looked around as fliers he had been so carefully placing around the Citadel were trampled under the feet of the space station's residents. Most of whom seemed to take great care _not_ to notice the drell sprawled on the ground in the middle of the pathway gathering up his wayward papers.

"Rude ass people."

Kolyat was startled out of his internal diatribe by a voice just behind him. His first instinct was to assume that the voice referred to his blocking of the traffic and the mess that had been made. He opened his mouth to snap back regarding what the speaker could do with their 'rude ass' when it suddenly dawned on him that the speaker, a human female, had knelt down beside him and was also gathering up the fliers. His mouth snapped shut as he contemplated this new development.

"I mean," the female continued on unaware that the drell was carefully dissecting her possible motives for lending assistance. "The krogan I kind of understand. I think it's a cultural thing, you know? The asari or even the salarians, though, I'd have figured one of them would have at least stopped to ask if you were alright."

Kolyat watched the female out of the corner of his eye. He hadn't had much interaction with humans outside of the ones that worked for C-Sec, mainly Bailey. The only one outside of C-Sec he had really had a conversation with was Commander Shepard and by conversation he meant the man had punched him in the face…hard. It really wasn't the greatest of first impressions on either end he supposed. He could feel his memory tugging, trying to pull him down into a fit of solipsism which he resisted. It was better to focus on the here and now, life was less painful that way. Besides, he wasn't quite sure what to make of the human helping him.

He wasn't the greatest judge of alien features but she seemed young, possibly around his own age. She had that strange, silky mass of hair most humans seemed to sport sprouting from her head in waves of reddish-brown that cascaded down just passed her shoulder blades. Honey-colored eyes refracted the ambient light giving off sparkles of deeper browns and almost-orange. She had soft-looking, pale skin which, he noticed, in contrast to his own scales seemed to be covered in a nearly-invisible down. A smattering of 'freckles', he believed they were called, were dusted lightly over the bridge of her small, straight nose and her high cheek bones. Her full lips were quirked in a bit of a half-smile as she continued to lament over the state of unhelpfulness that permeated modern intergalactic society. It appeared she dressed for comfort rather than fashion. A light gray oversized, apparently male, shirt hung off of her slender frame and was secured around her waist with a wide black leather belt. Black leggings covered her toned legs and her feet were clad in gray flats. He supposed another human would have found her attractive. His drellish mind, meanwhile, was busy committing every last detail to memory.

"It isn't like it would have killed someone just to stop and ask if you were okay, you know?" The female shook her head sadly and reached for one final piece of paper. Smiling fully now, she neatly straightened the fliers she had gathered and turned toward Kolyat, extending the stack towards him. "Here you go. I think that's all of them."

Kolyat looked from the offered stack to the woman's face before snatching them from her hands and rising quickly to his feet. He knew he should have thanked the woman for taking the time out to stop and help. He knew she could have easily ignored him like everyone else and gone on about her day. Self-preservation, however, was a hard habit to break. Instead of words of gratitude what came out of his mouth was a snarky, "I didn't need any help."

"Oh," the female's eyes widened slightly and her smile faltered. "I just thought-"

"If I needed assistance, I would have asked for it." Kolyat felt something inside of him twist uncomfortably at the look of disbelief and anger that was beginning to take shape on the human's previously open and friendly countenance and so he busied himself with attempting to organize the stack of fliers in his hands rather than look at her. "Now look, they're all backwards and upside down. Thanks for making more work for me." Kolyat rolled his eyes. "I really appreciate it."

"Wow, okay," the female looked at him incredulously. "You know what? Excuse me for giving a damn. If I had known you were such an ass I would have left your shit lying on the ground and kept right on walking."

"Yeah, well," Kolyat shrugged his broad shoulders seemingly unaffected at the woman's harsh words. "Maybe you'll remember that next time. Not everyone wants or needs your pity."

"Pity?" The woman scoffed. "I was just trying to be nice and help you out."

Kolyat crossed his arms across his chest. "Well don't."

"Unbelievable," the female shook her head. "I don't know where all your hostility is coming from and quite frankly, I don't give a good goddamn. I don't have time for this bullshit. Have a great day, asshole."

It was Kolyat's turn to look incredulous as the woman flashed him a very vulgar, very human hand gesture before stomping off away from him and back into the crowd. Instantly, he was swamped with regret. He was almost glad that his mother wasn't around to see what had just transpired. He knew the warm, loving woman would have dragged him painfully away by his frill and skinned him alive if she'd ever heard him acting so rude toward another person...especially one who'd just done him a service. She'd taught him better than that. Hell, even his wayward father would have expressed his disappointment if he'd been within earshot.

It's not like it would have killed him just to mutter a simple thank you. It was just that things like that were hard for him and fear of dismissal or even outright rejection sometimes made his mouth say things before his brain could fully comprehend what was happening. He wasn't quite sure why this incident should bother him so much. It was just another encounter among many in which he had headed off unwanted concern and the potential for disappointment. Besides, he assured himself, the Citadel was a big place and the chances that he would ever bump into the human again were slim. He should just brush it off and go on about his business. He still had fliers to distribute, besides.

A beep from his omni-tool alerted him to a new message. Kolyat sighed in both annoyance and relief. He was annoyed by the interruption and relieved to have something to focus on other than his horrid treatment of a good samaritan. Opening the message, however, caused his stomach to churn in both renewed irritation and concern. The message was from his father.

_Son,_

_I had an appointment today with the doctor's at Huerta Memorial to discuss the progression of my condition. I do not wish to alarm you or worry you needlessly but I do feel that there are some things that we need to discuss in terms of making plans for the inevitable. I wish to make this situation as easy to bear for you as possible. I pray you understand._

_It would be my pleasure if you would join me tonight for dinner at Apollo's Café. I wish to hear of your progress at C-Sec and how you are adapting to life on the Citadel. Most of all, I simply wish to be in your company. _

_I will be awaiting your reply_

_~T._

Kolyat's fists clenched and he ground his teeth. His father wanted to meet to talk about death…again. He suddenly felt the need to punch something. He wasn't sure if he was angrier about the fact that his father refused medical intervention other than the palliative or the fact that the older drell simply wouldn't hurry up and die to put an end to his emotional upheaval. He wondered often lately if things would be different between them if his father wasn't sick and they didn't have his imminent death hanging over them like a guillotine blade waiting to drop. Maybe he would be able to open up and possibly even forgive the man for the past if he didn't seem to be in such a rush to leave him behind again. Maybe…

_Father,_

_ I will meet you at Apollo's at 1830._

_ ~Kolyat_

Kolyat shot back a quick message to the man who had helped to give him life. As much as he would have liked to be able to simply ignore the message or tell his father to fuck off and leave him alone, he couldn't. He cared, not a lot, but too much for his own good, he knew. He would only end up being hurt again in the end. He always ended up bearing the brunt of the pain and disappointment regardless of the situation, it seemed, but he couldn't just walk away from the man. He wasn't like his father in that respect, he told himself. He didn't just up and leave when things became too tough to carry on. He would not abandon his responsibilities. With renewed determination, Kolyat Krios set out to finish his shift.

**End of Chapter 2**


	3. Chapter 3

**Falling Away**

**Chapter 3**

**By Voodoo Queen**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Author's Note: Thank you very much to all who took the time to read the last chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything other than my own original characters and my measly, little plot. All the good stuff belongs to their respective copyright holders. **

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

Kolyat's shift at C-Sec typically ran from 0600 to 1800 everyday but, of course, he was never on time. Today, however, he had managed to complete the task Bailey had assigned him by 1700. He had returned to C-Sec and was a bit taken aback when the older human had clapped him on the back in praise of his efforts. Kolyat really shouldn't have been surprised that Bailey had gone along behind him to make sure he had done as asked. Kolyat knew that he really hadn't gone out of his way to appear reliable, after all. The recognition of his work, simple as the job was, caused a small bubble of pride to form in his chest and he was truly thankful when Bailey released him from his duties early with a comment of maybe finding him something more challenging to do in the future. Perhaps, the drell mused, it wasn't all doom and gloom but, then again, he still had dinner with his father to look forward to.

Though he had told his father he would meet him at 1830, Kolyat wanted to get there early. Being at their rendezvous point first gave him a modicum of control over the situation that he needed to feel secure. Something as simple as choosing where they sat together in the restaurant meant the difference between the two of them having a pleasant meal or a tense exchange. Kolyat supposed it had something to do with his father having to approach him for acceptance and invitation rather than the other way around.

He had made a quick detour to his cramped apartment to strip off his C-Sec uniform and shower before changing into his civilian clothes. He hopped rapid transit back to the Presidium Commons and entered Apollo's Café at 1800 on the dot. He asked the hostess to be seated in a booth along the back wall of the restaurant where he could appear both inconspicuous and people watch until his father arrived.

He wasn't really sure if he dreaded these meetings with his father or if he looked forward to them. He figured it was really more of a mixed bag emotionally. The dreaded their conversations regarding the status of Thane's health, definitely, as much as he dreaded the almost physical pain caused by the flood of memories their meetings always unleashed. It was hard to let something go, especially a past as painful as the one they shared, when you were physically incapable of forgetting even the minutest of details.

Yet, strangely enough, there was a part of him that actually looked forward to these brief encounters. If he didn't think about it too much or dwell on certain topics, he could almost pretend that the two of them shared a normal father-son relationship instead of the circle of dysfunction they seemed to be trapped in. Thane's enthusiastic interest about his life and daily activities seemed genuinely sincere. Kolyat, for his part, would have been lying if he said he didn't find the tales of his father's exploits as a member of Commander Shepard's crew anything less than fascinating. Inevitably, however, certain subjects would come up during the course of their conversation which would throw their carefully crafted illusion of a normal relationship out of balance and send them careening back down the road of anger and blame.

Kolyat sighed. If only things could be different. But they weren't, he reminded himself as the waitress stopped by the table to take his drink order. Things were the way they were and there was little he could do to change it. He shook his head in disappointment and waited for the asari waitress to return with his tea. Tea, he mused darkly, was a recently acquired habit he'd picked up from spending time with his father. Regardless of whether he liked it or not, he conceded bitterly, the older drell still held some influence over even the smallest details in his life.

He checked the time on his omni-tool as a steaming cup was placed down in front of him. It was 1815. Only fifteen more minutes and Kolyat had learned quickly that his father was nothing if not punctual. He settled down in the booth to sip at his tea and observe his fellow patrons until his father arrived. It was then, upon casual glance, that a flash of brownish-red hair caught his eye. Kolyat frowned and felt his nagging guilt from earlier in the day return. So much for the Citadel being a big place.

The human female made her way to the café's counter and greeted the asari stationed there with a tired smile. She looked much more harried than she had during their unfortunate encounter earlier in the day and was weighed down by an enormous duffle bag that looked to be bigger than she was. Kolyat couldn't hear what was being said from where he sat but the way the asari had nodded in sympathetic understanding led him to believe the woman had had a less than stellar day. He grimaced at the thought that he had probably contributed to her downtrodden appearance more than a little bit and was surprised by how uncomfortable that thought made him feel.

His fused fingers drummed out a nervous beat on the table top as a debate raged in his mind. Should he or shouldn't he? Would she even recall the incident? Would an apology from him even make a difference? Watching the female shrug off the huge bag and slump ungracefully down onto the stool to wait for her order made his mind up for him. He could set aside his sense of pride and self-preservation this one time…just for a moment. Pushing his tea cup aside, he rose from the booth and straightened himself. May as well do it and get it over with.

She seemed tinier to him than he remembered for some reason. He figured it was her defeated posture as she appeared to cave in on herself. He came to a stop directly behind her and reached out with one hand with the intention of tapping her on the shoulder to get her attention but then thought better of it. She looked so fragile, enough so that he feared touching her would cause her to break. Allowing his arm to drop back down to his side, he cleared his throat instead and tried to remember his manners, "Excuse me…"

"Sorry," the woman mumbled without even looking up and began to wrestle her large bag off of the seat beside her to make room. "I didn't mean to take up the entire counter."

"Uh, actually," Kolyat started. "I think I'm the one who should apologize."

The woman stiffened at the sound of his voice and turned to look at him then, her eyes narrowing in recognition. "You!"

Kolyat held his hands up in what he hoped the human would interpret as peace and tried to pull apologetic inspiration from somewhere down deep. He took a fortifying breath, "Look, before you say anything I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. You were nice enough to take time out of your day to stop and help me when everyone else just kept on walking by. I was having a bad moment and I unloaded on you. You didn't deserve to be treated the way I treated you so, yeah. I'm sorry."

"You," the woman blinked owlishly up at him, her eyes seeming wetter and glassier than they had been a moment before. "You're s-sorry?"

"That's what I said." Kolyat nodded but could feel the slightest twinge of discomfort blossom in his gut and decided it was best to wrap the conversation up quickly. Besides, he father was due to arrive anytime. He mumbled another quiet apology just to hammer the fact home and was just about to turn to go back to his table to await his father and put the whole ugly incident behind him when the woman's hand shot out to grasp him, effectively halting his escape.

His black eyes went from the warm, slender fingers shackled around his wrist to the woman's now tear stained face. His first impulse was to demand she release him or roughly shake off her hand but something in her eyes stopped him. He felt his mouth go dry as a small, sad smile uplifted the corner of her mouth despite her obvious distress. He was completely out of his element and found himself almost wishing he had forgone the apology altogether. Unsure of what else he could do, he waited, hoping that the woman would say something…anything…to break the tension.

"Thank you,' she finally whispered after what seemed like forever but had only been a few seconds. "That," she swallowed. "That actually means a lot right now."

Kolyat's brow furrowed in confusion. He'd expected many things when he'd decided to approach the woman. He'd anticipated arguing, dismissal, and even the possibility of being on the receiving end of another rude gesture but he hadn't counted on an emotional thank you. It threw him completely off and left him at a loss. He felt like he was supposed to say something but gods only knew what this sort of situation warranted. He opened his mouth, unsure of what was expected of him, but was unwilling to remain silent and let the moment drag on uncomfortably. Before he could get a word out, however, he was interrupting with the asari returning with the woman's order in a carry-out box.

"Here you go, hun," the asari gave Kolyat a brief look as she sat the packaged food down in front of the woman. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

The woman's eyes held Kolyat's for a split second longer before she released his wrist and wiped furiously at her eyes with the sleeves of her blouse before turning to look at the other woman. "No, Fayna, thank you."

The asari's lips pulled down into a concerned frown. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," the human nodded. "I'll be fine. It's just…a lot, you know?"

"I know," the asari nodded in understanding. "I'll message you when my shift is over, alright?"

"Yeah, alright," the human agreed. Without any further ado, she hefted the large bag back up onto her back and grabbed her food from the counter. "I'll talk to you later then." She turned from the asari and gave Kolyat one last pointed looked of recognition before making her way out of the restaurant as easily as she had made her way in.

Kolyat watched her retreating form through the window until she completely disappeared into the crowd outside. To say he was perplexed would have been an understatement. He wasn't sure what it was that bothered him so much about what had just happened or why he should even have such thoughts over something that was obviously none of his concern. He had done what he had intended to do. He had apologized for his atrocious behavior and attitude. He could now wash his hands of the entire situation and not give it another thought. He had enough problems of his own without adding any more drama to them.

"Kolyat?"

Speaking of problems. Kolyat's spine stiffened, "Father." He turned to find the other drell standing casually with his hands clasped behind his back, head tilted in curiosity.

"That young woman seemed very upset," Thane observed. "Is she a friend of yours?"

Kolyat's eyes narrowed in suspicion. How long had his father been standing there watching? It made him uncomfortable to think that the older man had been privy to the strange exchange. What business was it of his anyway? He wanted to snap at his father, remind him that he hadn't been around enough to earn the trust and privilege to question him. He answered honestly however when he said, "No. I have no idea who she is. I don't even know her name."

Thane blinked, both sets of eyelids closing and opening rapidly. He seemed to contemplate his son's words for just a second too long before responding with, "I see."

Kolyat could sense that his father was not satisfied with his answer for whatever reason. Fearing that the man wanted to delve further into the subject given his recent intense interest in all things Kolyat and eager to move on he quickly steered the conversation back to the reason they had agreed to meet in the first place. "I've got us a booth in the back."

Thane wanted so very badly to know and understand his son. He wished to know his hopes and dreams and aspirations, what he liked, what he disliked, who his friends were, if there was anyone special in his life that he cared about. All of these topics were things a good father would know about their child, he scolded himself, and given the limited amount of time they now had together they were things he would probably never have the privilege of learning. It broke his heart. The boy had been nothing less than a blessing for him and Irikah, a blessing that he felt he scarcely deserved and had squandered. He knew he had no one to blame for their current predicament but himself. He understood Kolyat's hesitance to share anything personal with him. After all, he reminded himself, he had done little to show the boy he could be trusted. So, Thane simply nodded his head acceptance of Kolyat's offer to sit. Even that, he felt, was more than he deserved. "Very well."

Kolyat breathed a sigh of relief even as nervous anticipation over the conversation to come fluttered in his gut. Meetings with his father seldom came without some kind of emotional upheaval after the fact. He hoped he was up to dealing with such tonight as he sensed whatever they were going to converse about was not going to be lighthearted. Was it ever? He turned to lead his father to the booth where his now-cold tea still sat, barely touched. He would have to ask the waitress for another. He would need all the comfort a hot, steaming cup could provide.

**End of Chapter 3**


	4. Chapter 4

**Falling Away**

**Chapter 4**

**By Voodoo Queen**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Author's Note: Thank you very much to all who took the time to read the last chapter. A very special thank you to my reviewers lauren wynters and ****TheShepard2170. Your feedback was much appreciated as was your compliment!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything other than my own original characters and my measly, little plot. All the good stuff belongs to their respective copyright holders. **

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

"_I don't understand," Kolyat had quit eating some time ago and now busied himself with pushing his food around on his plate with his utensil. His stomach pitched and rolled and what little he had managed to eat threatened to make a violent reappearance. He refused to look at his father as if not doing so could somehow negate the reality of what the older drell was telling him. He shook his head, too stubborn to simply accept his father's news. "What does that even mean?"_

_Kolyat believed things had been going well up until this point. Thane, it seemed, had been more or less true to his word in that he had simply wanted to pleasure of his son's company. These meetings weren't much but they were a start and they meant the world to his father if the grateful gleam in his eyes was anything to go by. He had inquired about how well Kolyat was adapting to his service obligation in C-Sec and wished to know how he was faring on the Citadel. They had spoken of Bailey, the small apartment C-Sec had granted him, and his daily duties. Kolyat, in reciprocation, had listened intently as his father had relayed his most recent excursion as a member of the Normandy crew. Inevitably, they had ran out of small talk and had come to the conversation Thane had intended on having with him…the conversation Kolyat had dreaded._

_Thane, composed as ever, took a sip of his tea before speaking. "My…condition is progressing more rapidly than the doctors had anticipated. They have reevaluated my prognosis. If my decline continues at its current rate, I'll have about six months until…"_

"_Six months?!" Kolyat looked up from his plate to glare at this father. His eyes were like two deep, dark pools of ink. "What happened to a year?!"_

"_I admit the news came as a surprise." Thane looked thoughtfully down into his tea cup. "This changes nothing."_

"_How can you say that?" Kolyat slammed a fist down onto the table causing their plates to rattle. "It changes everything! How can you sit there looking so calm?"_

_Thane smiled sadly, "I made my peace with death long ago. If it be Kalahira's will-" _

"_Bullshit!" Kolyat blurted the human explicative he'd heard so often at C-Sec and stood angrily. "Kalahira's will? That's your excuse for just sitting there waiting to die? Because the goddess wants you to?"_

"_Kolyat," Thane tried to soothe, "My son, I need you to understand-" _

"_Oh," Kolyat nodded. "I understand plenty, father. I understand that there are things you could be doing, treatments you could be receiving to help you but you're refusing to even entertain the suggestion."_

"_We've already had this discussion, son." Thane sighed, "There are people out there, good people, who are much more deserving of help than I."_

"_Those people aren't my father!" Kolyat was furious now. His fists clenched so hard at his sides that his knuckles popped. "The least you could do is spend what time you have left here with me but you won't even do that! You spend more time on the Normandy with Shepard and his crew than you ever did with me! It's killing you!"_

"_What I do," Thane swallowed. The thickness of emotion in his voice nearly choking him. "I do for you, Kolyat."_

"_Yeah," Kolyat snorted. He wasn't sure if he was more hurt or pissed off at his father. It really didn't matter. The only thing on his mind at the moment was making his father feel as low as he did at that particular moment. He didn't even care that they had begun to draw stares from the other patrons inside Apollo's Café. "Everything is for me, right dad?"_

_At that moment, it seemed that everything that had been festering inside of him wormed its way to the surface. Kolyat growled, "What about leaving me and mom on Kahje while you were out there killing people for money? Was that for me?" Kolyat rejoiced internally at the pain that entered his father's eyes and he smirked. "Or, yeah, maybe we should talk about mom. Was having a bunch of criminals you pissed off break into our house and butcher her for me? Or maybe that was Kalahira's will, huh? Oh, and pawning me off on mom's sister and fucking forgetting about me for years? Was that for me, too?"_

"_Kolyat," Tears were now gathered in Thane's eyes and threatened to fall with every blink of his dual eyelids. "You can't begin to comprehend how much I regret what I've done to us. I never, not even for a moment forgot-" _

"_You know what? Let me stop you right there." Kolyat gathered his things from the booth. "I'm tired of hearing already about how much you thought of me and how much you care. If this is your way of showing how you care for me, just give it a rest. You should have just stayed away. If you want to die, do it on your own time. I'm done."_

_Kolyat stormed away from the table heedless to his father's calls for him to wait. There was a grim sense of satisfaction that curled in the back of his mind as he recalled the tears that had finally leaked from Thane's eyes. Maybe now, he mused, his father understood how it felt to be left behind, unwanted, discarded…_

XXXXXXXXXX

Kolyat shook himself free of his fit of solipsism and glanced around, embarrassed that he had let his memory get away from him. That had been over three weeks ago and Kolyat, by his own choosing, had neither seen nor spoken to his father. It wasn't for lack of trying on Thane's end, however. Nightly Kolyat had been on the receiving end of either an electronic message or call request from his father. The drell was nothing if not persistent. Kolyat had systematically declined all attempts at contact. He was still steaming mad over their last conversation and feared speaking to his father in that state would only cause greater harm than good.

Wrapped up in his anger there was also a disconcerting feeling of guilt. Kolyat, despite how he chose to present himself to the outside world, wasn't heartless. His life experience thus far, however, had left him emotionally stunted and unsure of his place in the world, facts he was all too aware of. It's just that it was so much easier to lash out than it was to sit down and contemplate what was really bothering him.

His father, estranged or not, was the only family he had left and he was dying. He wasn't dying in a year as Kolyat had already resigned himself to given the man's refusal of medical help. No, what little time that had been promised had been slashed in half by his father's own hand. The cool calm with which the older drell seemed to accept his fate, as well as their shortened reunion, had touched a raw nerve in Kolyat.

His father, it seemed to Kolyat, had never had a problem walking away and death didn't seem to be the exception. Kolyat vividly recalled his mother once remarking to a friend of her's that her husband was a passionate man in all aspects of his life as she tried to explain his frequent and prolonged occupational absences. Obsessive was the word Kolyat would have used to describe him if someone asked him his opinion.

Thane Krios had obsessed over his job as an assassin as a means to support his family which had culminated in the murder of his wife. He had then obsessed over Irikah's death which had resulted in him walking away from his only child. He obsessed over religion, worried about the loss of his soul. He obsessed over "making the galaxy a brighter place" which was killing him as surely as Kepral's Syndrome was and driving the wedge of division between him and his son ever deeper. If only, Kolyat mused, he had put as much effort into obsessing over his family they may not be in their current situation.

Kolyat had every right to be bitter and angry given his lot in life. These past few weeks he found himself more and more thankful for the one semi-positive thing he had going in his life: his service obligation to C-Sec. Born of the lowest moment of his life though it was, the job provided a good distraction and something better to focus on rather than the blow out with his father. It also didn't hurt that Bailey had kept his promise of finding him something more challenging to do besides file paper and sweep the floors.

"Alright, Krios, here's the deal…"

Kolyat was startled out of his thoughts by the approach of one of the C-Sec officers under Bailey's command. The officer, a young turian named Paultus Maurtus, was friendly enough but had been less than thrilled when Bailey had asked him to take Kolyat with him for some public relations work. Kolyat wasn't sure if Maurtus was more upset over the fact he was playing babysitter or that his duties for the day didn't involve tracking down law breakers. Regardless, he gave the turian his attention.

"So," the turian began, "I'm sure you're probably familiar with the Council's Public Outreach Initiative…"

"No," Kolyat deadpanned, "I'm not. I've only been on this station about a month and a half."

"Right," Maurtus sighed. "Basically what it is is a bunch of politicians trying to make themselves look good by sending us out here to ask the public for donations to give to the people on the station who have been displaced by all the drama going on out there in the galaxy."

Kolyat quirked a brow. "I can see you're really passionate about the cause."

Maurtus chuckled, "You got me, Krios. I may be a little cynical, alright? I mean, hell, half the people on the Council could come straight out of their own pocket with double what we collect out here and still not be hurting for credits. Between you and me, all this good samaritan shit is put on just for show so people will keep voting them into office. But hey, duty is duty, right?"

"Yeah," Kolyat reluctantly agreed. "I guess so." He took a look around himself. They stood at the entrance to the Kithoi Ward, one of the Citadel's residential areas. "What exactly does this entail?"

Maurtus shrugged, "Not much, really. We basically just go door-to-door asking people if they want to make a donation to the cause." The turian dug around inside one of his pockets and pulled out a small card and handed it to the drell. "Here. Just read this and I'm sure you'll manage."

Kolyat took the card and read over it once before handing it back. "Got it."

"Uh," the turian looked from the man to the card and back again and chuckled. "Right, drell memory. I forgot."

Kolyat merely hummed and turned to look at the rows and rows of individual residences, shops, and eateries that made up the ward. He grimaced at the knowledge that this task would, in all likelihood, be an all-day evolution. To add insult to injury, talking to people, especially asking anyone for help be it for charity or no, was not his strong suit. Reluctantly, he sighed, "Where do you want to start?"

"Me?" Maurtus laughed out loud. "Oh, no. This is all you, Krios." The turian nearly doubled over in laughter at the look of disbelief on the drell's face. "Don't look so put out, man. You're the one serving a sentence, not me. It's nothing personal. Bailey's orders."

"Bailey," Kolyat huffed, "Right."

"I'm serious," Maurtus grinned. "So you better get to it."

"Yeah," Kolyat muttered, giving the giving the turian a death glare as he stalked away. "I'm going to get right to it. Bastard…"

"I heard that, Krios!" Maurtus called out jovially. "Meet back here at 1200 for lunch."

"Yeah, yeah," Kolyat waved him off as he approached the first door and took a deep breath. Squaring himself up he pressed the buzzer, his foot tapping impatiently until the door finally cracked open to reveal a salarian.

"C-Sec? No emergency here. Law-abiding citizen. How can I help?"

Kolyat sighed. He could already tell it was going to be a very, very long day.

**End of Chapter 4**


	5. Chapter 5

**Falling Away**

**Chapter 5**

**By Voodoo Queen**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Author's Note: As always, thank you very much to all who took the time to read the last chapter. A very special thank you to my reviewers: Renna and Shepard-Vakarian.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything other than my own original characters and my measly, little plot. All the good stuff belongs to their respective copyright holders. **

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

The Citadel's population was made up of all kinds of people from different planets and different walks of life. Kolyat was pretty sure he had experienced most of those different kinds of people this day and it wasn't even lunch time yet. For a kid who had spent his entire life on Kahje until just recently, it was a bit of a culture shock, really. He wasn't sure if he was more disturbed or amused to be honest. It really could have gone either way given his experience thus far.

There had been a turian, a grizzled veteran by the looks of him, who had stopped him mid-introduction to perform an inspection and critique of his uniform, even taking the time to "properly square him away", before lecturing him on the importance of military bearing when in uniform. At another door he had come face-to-face with a positively ridiculous-looking volus wearing oversized clothes and some type of cloth wrapped around his head. From inside of the apartment blasted loud music that Kolyat had learned from the humans at C-Sec was called "gangster rap". The volus hadn't even given him a chance to open his mouth before yelling, "Fuck the police!" and slamming the door in his face.

Not to be discouraged from his forced duties, Kolyat had gone down a few doors and walked right into an experience he wished he was capable of forgetting. A very flirtatious asari had answered her door wearing, well, nothing at all really. Dumbstruck, Kolyat couldn't even find it inside of himself to speak. It didn't seem to faze the asari, though. She had looked him up and down, licked her lips, boldly stated that she'd never had a drell before and invited him inside her apartment to "Embrace Eternity". Apparently, she'd taken his stuttered refusal as playing hard to get since her next move was to attempt to grope him and pull him inside. He had gotten away from there quickly without even asking for a donation. Maurtus was going to get it when he got back.

To say he'd had a rough morning would have been an understatement. He hadn't even managed to get one donation though a nice, older human woman had said something about not being able to say no to "big puppy-dog eyes", whatever those were, and had offered him cookies made of something called 'oatmeal'. Curious, he had tried one and decided that it wasn't half bad. Thankfully, he now stood on the stoop of the last residence he planned to visit before going back and finding that damned turian for lunch. He braced himself for whatever horror may lie behind the door and took a deep breath before pressing the buzzer. The last thing he had expected was the door to creak open and reveal a pair of inky black eyes that looked back up into his own in curiosity.

"Uh," Kolyat looked down upon the young drell. The boy was very slight and judging by how dull his sunset yellow and orange scales looked, he would probably be entering his first molt soon. If Kolyat had to venture a guess, he would have put the boy between four and five years of age. Kolyat wasn't crazy about kids, even when he had been one himself, but he had to admit this one was cute with his wide eyes and his bright blue super hero footy pajamas. "Is, uh, is your mommy or daddy home?"

The boy looked down at his flannel-clad feet and shook his head, "No…"

"Lo-Lo!" A feminine voice sounded from the other room followed by the sound of hurried footsteps. "What have I told you about opening the door?"

Recognition immediately flooded Kolyat as the young female human came into view and knelt before the youngster. She was the Good Samaritan, the same woman who had stopped to help him when everyone else just kept walking. The same woman he had belittled unnecessarily. The same woman to whom he had apologized only to receive a tearful thanks in return. Her brownish-red hair wasn't nearly as neat as he remembered and the white parts of her golden eyes were red and dark shadows hung beneath them. She looked tired and worn down. Rather than being put off by her disheveled appearance, however, Kolyat found himself inexplicable drawn to the scene playing out in front of him.

The boy had the decency, at least, to look guilty. "You tolded me not to open up the door to strangers."

"It's 'told', Lo-Lo, not tolded," the woman gently corrected. "And yes, I did." She reached out and carefully zipped his pajamas back up to his chin from where the zipper had slipped down to reveal a sliver of his orange and yellow speckled chest. "Why don't we open the door to strangers?"

"Because," the youngster admitted morosely, "Not everyone is nice."

"That's right." The woman sighed and nodded sadly in agreement. "Not everyone is nice."

"What about the policeman?" The boy innocently inquired. His gaze traveled back to where Kolyat still stood awkwardly on the step.

"Police?" A look that could have only been described as a mix between fear and relief entered to woman's eyes and she was on her feet in a flash. Faster than Kolyat would have believed possible she was standing before him, blocking his view of the boy. "Lo-Lo, go finish your breakfast, please." Taking in Kolyat's appearance, the vaguest hint of recognition crossed her face before she asked, "You...can I help you?"

"I, uh, I'm sorry to have disturbed you," Kolyat for whatever reason felt the need to apologize. "If now isn't a good time…"

"No," the woman insisted. "Its fine, it's just…" Her eyes flicked over to the side where Kolyat assumed the boy had disappeared to before flicking back over to lock with his. Her voice dropped an entire octave as she leaned in and asked, "Is this about Utira and Dronu? Do you know where they are?"

Drell names, Kolyat easily identified, and assumed them to be the boy's parents. He had no idea what was going on but he hated to be the one to extinguish the small flame of hope that had flared to life in her eyes but he really didn't have much choice. "No, I, uh, I'm sorry. The truth is, I'm not really a police officer."

"You," the woman looked him over head to toe, eyeing his blue C-Sec uniform with suspicion. "You're not?"

"No," Kolyat could feel nervousness begin to churn in his gut. This is why he preferred not to talk to people. He would need to have a talk with Bailey regarding his work attire. "I'm not a C-Sec officer…but I do work for C-Sec," he added quickly. It may have not been the absolute truth but it was close enough. It worked and seemed to ease the woman somewhat.

"I see." She looked him over once more and nodded. "Alright, so if you're not here about the Driuses…" She let the sentence trail off into a question.

"Oh, right," Kolyat snapped back to the task at hand. "I, uh, C-Sec on behalf of the Council's Public Outreach Initiative-"

"Nahnah?" A small yellow-speckled hand reached to tug at the hem of the female's shirt.

"Sorry," the woman gave Kolyat an apologetic smile before turning her attention to the boy. "Yes, Lohal?"

The boy blinked up at her imploringly. "Can I watch cartoons in the living room while I finish my cereal?"

"Sure, you can," the woman smiled. As soon as the youngster had toddled off her smile faltered and she rubbed her forehead tiredly with one hand. She looked back at the drell standing outside her door. "I'm sorry. You were something about an outreach initiative?"

"Uh, yeah," Kolyat cleared his throat and nodded. "C-Sec is just out asking people if they'd care to make a donation to help people on the station that have been displaced or are down on their luck."

"Right, okay," the woman agreeably responded. "Sure, I'd be happy to give something."

"You would?" Kolyat's eyes widened in surprise before he stuttered out, "I-I mean, thank you on behalf of the Council…"

The woman chuckled, "Doesn't sound like you've been having much luck out there."

"I guess that's one way of putting it," Kolyat snorted. "It's been interesting to say the least."

"I bet. This is a very…eclectic neighborhood." The woman patted her pockets and glanced around. "I, uh, let me grab a credit chit, alright?" She looked back at Kolyat. "Would you like to come inside for a sec while I look for one?"

Slightly surprised, Kolyat accepted the invitation. "Sure, uh, thank you." He lowered his head graciously and stepped inside the apartment, shutting the door gently behind him. He took a look around. The apartment was bright and cheery, neat except for the large bag he remembered seeing the woman carrying at the cafe three weeks ago and another smaller one next to it both of which seemed to have been dumped unceremoniously in the middle of the main living area. Other than that one blemish, the apartment was large and open, making him realize just how small and cramped his own living arrangements were. "This is a nice place," he commented honestly.

"Thanks. I wish I could say it was mine. It belongs to my aunt and uncle. They headed back to Earth about three months ago. I stayed behind to finish up school so I've pretty much had the place to myself." She glanced toward the couch where the young boy sat munching on cereal and watching cartoons and gave a little smile. "Until just recently, that is. Anyway," the woman stuck out her hand. "My name is Amanda, Amanda Allen. Our third time meeting, I guess it's time we were actually introduced, huh?"

"I was beginning to think you didn't remember our other two encounters." Kolyat grasped her hand out of politeness and noted how small it was within his own and how warm and soft her skin felt against his scales. "Kolyat Krios."

"Hey," she defended. "I may not have the memory of a drell but those were pretty unforgettable interactions. At any rate, it's nice to properly meet you, Sere Krios."

Kolyat looked at her, a bit taken aback by her use of the honorific male title. Drell culture was not widely known by many and to hear a human utilizing their customs was a bit of a curiosity at the very least. "Just-just Kolyat is fine. Or Krios, if you prefer."

"Alright," she smiled softly. "Kolyat, it is." The young woman, Amanda, released his hand and stepped away, moving deeper into the apartment and motioning for him to follow. "Please excuse the mess. We literally just got back from Kahje last night and I was exhausted and haven't had a chance to put anything away yet."

"You were visiting Kahje?" Kolyat was more and more intrigued by the woman. "Not too many humans venture out that way."

"Well, I didn't really have much of a choice," she snorted as she knelt and began to dig through the larger of the two bags. "It was better than the alternative. No offense, but Kahje is probably one of the single most depressing places I've ever been in my life. I didn't see the sun the entire time I was there. I've never seen so much rain and the humidity," Amanda's nose wrinkled in distaste. "I didn't even go near the water and my fingers were all pruny the whole time I was there. I can totally see how living there can cause so many health problems."

"Yeah," Kolyat wondered what she meant by pruny fingers but agreed with her. The mention of Kahje's ill effects on its non-native inhabitants wasn't lost on him and his thoughts immediately went to his father. A slight feeling of guilt gnawed at him but he pushed it away. "I suppose it's really not a very hospitable place unless you're a hanar."

"Ugh," she grumbled as she continued to dig. "Don't get me started on those giant, pompous jelly fish. They make everything so complicated."

"Jelly fish?" Kolyat quirked a brown in curiosity.

"Never mind," Amanda smiled sheepishly and inclined her head toward the young boy sitting on the couch enthralled by classic Earth animation. "Anyway, if it weren't for Lohal I never would have stepped foot on the place. Ah, here we are!" She pulled a credit chit from one of the bag's compartments and stood. "So, what's the average donation been?"

"Well," Kolyat rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. "No one's actually made one yet."

"No one?" Amanda looked surprised. "Seriously?"

"In addition to being eclectic, this neighborhood is also stingy, apparently." Kolyat wasn't sure what it was about the woman that made him feel like he could talk so freely. Perhaps it was the fact that she seemed to be familiar enough with drell to be taking care of a young one in her own home that made him feel like he didn't need to be on guard as he was most times around other species but he decided not to think too much on it. "Present company excluded."

"Unbelievable," Amanda shook her head and began to tap keys on her omni tool. "People have no sense of community. How does fifty credits sound?"

"That's…very generous," Kolyat replied.

Amanda shrugged it off. "Just like to help out when I can." She completed the transfer of credits and handed Kolyat the chit.

"Thank you," he replied with a small smile. "Now I don't have to go back to my…supervisor with my head hung down in shame."

She laughed and returned his smile. "Well, we can't have that."

"Nahnah?" A little face popped up over the back of the couch catching the attention of both adults in the room. "I'm all finished. I ate it all up!"

"Good job!" Amanda redirected her attention to the child. "Now, can you put your bowl in the kitchen and change out of your jammies? We have to go meet Grammy Gigi in a little while."

"Okay!" The little boy happily hopped off of the couch, bowl clutched in both hands and started toward the kitchen area. On the way he stopped and stared up at Kolyat in question, "Are you coming with us to see Grammy Gigi?"

"Lo-Lo," Amanda softly chided. "We have a lot of things to sort out and I'm sure he has much more important things to do than hang around with us all day."

"Uh," Kolyat looked from the young woman to the child who still watched him expectantly. "Maybe next time?"

"Okay," the child looked slightly crestfallen but nodded his acceptance before skipping off toward the back of the apartment.

_Next time? Brilliant. _Kolyat sighed. He hadn't been sure what to say and that had been the first thing that had come to mind. Kolyat turned back to the woman hoping he hadn't overstepped any boundaries. Humans, he'd learned in C-Sec, could be tricky and easily offended. "He's, um, cute."

"Yes," she agreed seemingly nonplussed. "He is. He never meets a stranger and wants to be everyone's friend."

Kolyat nodded. He could barely remember a time when he, too had been so innocent. "Well, uh, I should probably get back out there. Donations aren't going to collect themselves."

"Right! Yeah," Amanda walked him back to the door and opened it for him. "I, um, it was nice to finally put a name to the face."

"It was," Kolyat agreed honestly. "And thank you for the donation."

"You're welcome," she smiled. "I hope you have better luck out there this afternoon."

Kolyat gave a long suffering sigh, "I hope so, too. I guess I'll…see you around. Maybe…"

"Yeah. Maybe. You never know." She gave him a polite wave and closed the door leaving him alone on the stoop once again.

Kolyat hummed to himself and looked at the door thoughtfully for a moment before making his way down the steps to the walkway. Normally, he tended to mind his own business and preferred others to stay out of his but his curiosity had been piqued during his first encounter with the woman, he realized, and the second had truly thrown him for a loop. This latest one had only caused further intrigue as he reflected on what was obviously a unique situation the likes of which he didn't know the particulars of. He almost hoped that they would cross paths again just to see what that would bring.

"Son?"

Kolyat had taken no more than five steps when the familiar voice caused him to stop in his tracks. He turned, not at all surprised, and found his father standing there. The anger that had been simmering since their last meeting flared back to life. His expression hardened and he crossed his arms across his chest. "What? Are you stalking me now?"

Thane's dark eyes traveled from Kolyat to the apartment he had just exited from and back again. "You left me with little choice. You've been ignoring my calls and haven't responded to any of my messages."

Kolyat shrugged, seemingly nonchalant. "I don't think there's anything left for us to say. You obviously don't give a shit so why should I?"

"That isn't-" Shamed, Thane dropped his head and sighed. "That couldn't be further from the truth."

"Well, you could have fooled me," Kolyat snorted and shook his head. "Do you actually want something or are you just following me to have something to do until the Normandy pulls out of dock and you can leave again?"

"The Normandy left this morning," Thane rumbled. "I chose not to be on it."

"What?" Kolyat shifted closer to the other drell. "Why?"

"You were right. You said that the least I could do was spend what time I did have with you." Thane looked back up at his son with unshed tears in his eyes. "Kolyat, of all the things I have done in my lifetime, you are my single greatest accomplishment. Goddess knows I've made mistakes but I refuse to make another. I promised Commander Shepard my hand in his mission but my first obligation should have always been to you. For so long I lost sight of that and I'm sorry. Whatever time I may have left in this life belongs to you…if you'll have it."

Kolyat found himself at a loss for words. His mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water but it took a long moment before any sound agreed to come out. He wasn't sure he understood and so asked for clarification. "You're going to stay here? On the Citadel?"

"I am," Thane nodded. "My…job required me to set up various residences in different locations…safe houses. I have three on the Citadel, in fact. One of them is near Huerta Memorial and not too far from your own apartment. I will be staying there for the foreseeable future."

"Wait. You-" Kolyat looked at his father dumbstruck. "You have other homes? You were living somewhere else while mom and I were on Kahje wondering where the hell you were?"

"No, son," Thane shook his head. "I don't want you to get the wrong impression. I only had one home and that was with you and your mother. The others were just places to stay in an emergency."

"If you say so," Kolyat huffed. He really didn't know what to believe anymore but he let it drop for now. He decided it wasn't worth causing any more tension at the moment. "So what does all this mean?"

"I want us to know one another," Thane admitted. "I know I'm asking a lot and I know I don't deserve it but, I would like it if we could try to be a family once more."

"I don't know if I can do that." Kolyat sniffed and looked away. He blinked his dual eyelids rapidly to dispel the moisture that had begun to gather. "Don't think that you can just come and go in and out of my life as you please and just expect me to be here when the mood to be a father strikes you." Kolyat looked his father in the eye. "I'm not a child anymore. I don't need you to take care of me. I learned how to take care of myself a long time ago when you wouldn't. I can't tell you how many nights I spent watching out the window for you to come back but you never did."

"I'm sorry." Thane swallowed the lump in his throat. It seemed every time he spoke with his son he was made privy to new information that showed him just how horribly he'd failed at being a father. "I realize that you have no reason to let me back in to your life."

"You're damn right about that." Kolyat demanded, "How do I know this will be any different? That you won't just pick up and leave again? Because I'll tell you right now, I'm done watching and waiting for you."

"I understand," Thane acknowledged. "And I know that there is nothing I can say or do that can ever make up for not being there with you when I should have been. All I can do is offer you what little I have left to give."

Kolyat leveled his father with a hard gaze. He simply didn't understand how he could feel such animosity for someone and at the same time wish so much for what they were saying to be true. The last thing he wanted was to open himself up to further pain. At the same time, however, he was being offered the very thing he'd always wished for. He refused to show it, though. He wouldn't give his father the satisfaction. "Yeah, okay." he grumbled. "We'll see how long this lasts. I have to get back to work."

"Kolyat," Thane called softly as his son turned to leave. "May I…call you later?"

Kolyat paused but he didn't turn around. "My shift ends at 1800." With that, Kolyat Krios continued on his way and didn't look back.

**End of Chapter 5**


	6. Chapter 6

**Falling Away**

**Chapter 6**

**By Voodoo Queen**

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**Author's Note: Hello, Dear Readers! Thanks to those of you who added this story to your alerts and favorited it. I am so glad that you're enjoying the story thus far. Very, very special thanks to those who took out the time to leave a review: Shepard-Vakarian. Your comments encourage me to keep writing. Thank you!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything other than my own original characters and my measly, little plot. All the good stuff belongs to their respective copyright holders. **

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Kolyat wasn't sure why he was so nervous but the anticipation felt like it was eating him alive. He surveyed his tiny apartment one more time to make sure the place was in order. He and his father had not spoken face-to-face in the six days since their discussion in the Kithoi Ward but they had either messaged or spoken via vid chat every night. His father had invited him to come visit him at his 'safe house' near the hospital for a visit but Kolyat felt if they were to meet he wanted it to be on his own turf. So, he had bitten the bullet, as humans liked to say, and invited Thane to come to him. It was a big step and one he didn't take lightly even with the home court advantage.

It was the weekend and thankfully Bailey had the foresight to give him some time off during the week to handle his personal affairs…as if he had a real life to speak of. Regardless, he had utilized his morning to clean and straighten his small neglected space. Kolyat had never been a slob. In fact, under normal circumstances he fancied himself to be quite neat and organized. The overwhelming stress he felt that came with dealing with his father, however, had the unfortunate side effect of causing him to neglect all but the most necessary of household chores. As a result, once he had started in on the mess, he was actually quite disgusted with himself.

He had just managed to slide the last of several books, a C-Sec training manual he had swiped from Paultus Maurtus' desk, onto the small shelf in the living area. Though turian lacked the perfect memory of drell, they seemed to live and breathe rules and regulations and most knew the standard operating procedures by heart…Maurtus included. Kolyat figured the young officer wouldn't miss the manual and so he'd borrowed it. It wasn't so much that he was interested in how C-Sec operated but he figured it couldn't hurt to know a little bit. He was still eyeing the manual, deep in thought, when his door buzzer sounded at exactly 1130. Thane Krios was punctual like clockwork.

Kolyat took one final look around his apartment, satisfied that the place was as clean as was drellishly possible, before opening the door. "Father," he greeted. "Come in."

"Thank you," Thane bowed his head graciously before crossing the threshold. He took a cursory glance around the small space before turning to his son, a genuine smile on his face. "I was a bit surprised by your invitation but am thankful for it all the same. I brought you something…a housewarming gift."

Kolyat accepted the package his father gave him with a raised brow. "You didn't have to bring me anything," he stated honestly as he pulled the top off of the box in curiosity. As he lifted the contents out, his eyes widened in both surprise and appreciation for what was very clearly an expensive piece of art. "This is very…thoughtful of you."

The pristine alabaster stone had been meticulously polished and carved, obviously by a highly-skilled artisan, into a representation of Arashu, the drell goddess of motherhood and protection. Along the base of the carving in elegant drellish script was a prayer asking the goddess for her favor and blessing. It was meant to be a part of a larger shrine, Kolyat knew, the kind most drell had in their homes to pay tribute to their deities.

Kolyat recalled that they had a similar shrine in their home on Kahje. He remembered his mother bringing the goddess offerings of the flowers his father had somehow procured for her from the drell native planet of Rakhana and that his mother had continued to cultivate herself on Kahje. He also remembered how his father, on the rare occasions he was home, would kneel with him before the altar sharing stories about the gods and goddesses and teaching him prayers and intercessions to be invoked as the situation warranted. Kolyat hadn't really thought about religion in a long time. He felt let down by it all and hadn't had much use for it and so he'd forsaken most of the teachings he had been raised to believe in. Still, he had to admit that his father's gift was beautiful.

"Thanks." He turned the carving over in his hands and gave his father a half-smile. "I'll have to find somewhere to put it."

Thane nodded and turned his full attention to the apartment. His eyes roamed slowly over every detail and Kolyat had no doubt he was committing them to memory. "Bailey has done well by you, I see."

"Yeah, well," Kolyat shrugged as he squeezed by his father and into the living area. "It isn't much but I figure it's better than a prison cell."

"Of that I have no doubt," Thane agreed with at tinge of remorse coloring his voice. "You're…alright being here then?"

"It's alright, I guess. It isn't like home, but," Kolyat sank down on the sofa and gestured for his father to sit as well. "I really don't have much choice in the matter, do I?"

Thane accepted the offer to make himself comfortable and sat opposite his son in a small armchair. "The situation is regretful but I must admit that I'm happy you are here. Things could have gone much differently."

Kolyat swallowed hard. He knew exactly what his father referred to and he couldn't for the life of him understand what had made him think accepting a murder-for-hire contract had been a good idea in the first place. Kolyat knew he wasn't a killer. He wasn't a trained assassin like his father who had spent his entire life perfecting his craft. He was just a lonely, confused kid from Kahje looking for his place in the world. He wasn't sure if what he'd done was as complex as a means of trying to know and be closer to the father who had left him or as simple as a cry for help.

Regardless, he had ended up shooting two people and nearly pulling the trigger and killing a third. Once the adrenaline and shock had worn off he'd been physically sick over the whole affair. Once his father and Commander Shepard had let him be, he had spent the better part of that evening hunkered down over one of the toilets in C-Sec's interrogation block wretching his guts out. He still couldn't wrap his mind around the concept that, for his father, such events equated to little more than a normal day at the office. To hear Thane speak of his work as if he, himself, were so far removed from the actions of his body was unsettling. Kolyat didn't believe he could be so compartmentalized even if he tried and put forth an effort.

The drawn out silence between father and son was slowly becoming awkward and could be seen in the manner in which both shifted uncomfortably in their seats. It was one thing for them to meet in a public place where the hustle and bustle around them could fill in the gaps in their conversation. It was something else entirely when they were alone with only each other for distraction. There were things each of them desired to know and discuss but neither wanted to risk upsetting the tenuous peace they'd managed to make. One of them would have to risk interrupting the stillness.

"So," Kolyat waited until he could no longer stand the silence to speak. He fidgeted nervously. "How have you been feeling?" He wasn't sure he really wanted to know the answer but felt he had to say something and anything was better than nothing.

"I am well under the circumstances," Thane replied. "Text book is the term the doctors use."

Kolyat shook his head. "I don't want to know what the doctors say. I'm asking you."

"Son," Thane frowned. "All is well. There are other things you should be focusing on right now. I don't need you to worry for me."

"It's a little late for that," Kolyat snorted. "You're the one who said you wanted to get to know one another. I may not know much but I'm pretty sure part of that involves being honest."

Thane chuckled fondly, "You sound so much like your mother. Very well," he steepled his fingers beneath his chin and took as large of a breath as his sick lungs would allow and slowly exhaled. "Honestly, I've felt better."

"When I was first diagnosed," he started. "They told me what I could expect as the disease progressed: a gradual decrease in energy and stamina as oxygen levels in the blood lessened, shortness of breath, episodes of spasmodic coughing, fluid accumulation, and pain…all of which," Thane admitted," has come to pass." The older drell rubbed his hands together. "Recently, however, I have to say that my biggest complaint is the intermittent tingling and numbness in my hands and feet from hypoxia." He flexed his fingers. "At times it makes it quite difficult to hold things and walk properly."

"Are they-" Kolyat sat forward in concern. "Can the doctors do anything for that?"

Thane shrugged, "I've been prescribed bronchodilators to open up my lungs as much as possible, steroids for the inflammation, and a pain medication. They make breathing easier and more comfortable but the problem isn't lung capacity. The issue is my lung's ability to transfer oxygen into the blood where it belongs. Unfortunately, as of yet, there isn't a pill that can fix that."

Kolyat opened his mouth to argue that there were things that could be done but he immediately snapped it shut again. He didn't want to go back down that road again. Every time they did it ended in an argument. His muscles in his jaw ticked in agitation as he ground his teeth together. "I see."

"I'm sorry if I've upset you," Thane apologized.

"No," Kolyat leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. "Just…never mind. If I didn't want to know I wouldn't have asked."

"What about you?" Thane asked in an attempt to change the subject.

"What about me?" Kolyat opened his eyes to peer at this father. "I hate to disappoint you but what you get is pretty much what you see."

"I don't believe that for a moment," Thane smiled. "You must have some activities you enjoy that keep you busy. I wish to know more about you. What are your interests? What have you been doing in your spare time here on the Citadel? Have you made any friends?"

"What can I say?" Kolyat shrugged. "Community service leaves little time for anything but serving the community. By the time I'm done jumping through hoops for Bailey at the end of the day all I really want to do is come back here, take a shower, and sleep. I've had too much on my mind to do anything else…and I don't have any desire to make friends. I've found it isn't worth the time or effort. I just want to do my time and get the hell out of here."

Thane hummed out of both sadness and a sense of understanding. "Kolyat, I know that right now everything seems overwhelming and that the situation feels hopeless but you will make it through. Once all is said and done, you have the potential for great things. Don't let that potential go to waste."

"I don't know," Kolyat could feel an all-too familiar sting in his eyes and a burning in his throat. He did his best to will it away but he could already feel the hated moisture on his face. "I'm tired. I'm not sure anymore if any of this is even worth it."

"Do not speak like that!" With an alarmed expression, Thane rose from his seat and moved to kneel before his son. "You are strong. You will survive this…all of this. And you'll be a better person for it. You've got an entire lifetime ahead of you to make of it whatever you wish. Do not lose sight of that. This is just a small bump in the road."

Kolyat shook his father's hand off of his knee and wiped furiously at his eyes. "I'm sure that's really easy for you to say. You're not going to be here."

"Kolyat," Thane rose from his crouch and moved to sit beside his son. "If I could spend the rest of eternity here with you making up for my mistakes, I would…"

"Right," Kolyat snorted and stood. He stalked away from the other man to put some distance between them. The old familiar anger, the fear of abandonment, welled up within him. He wanted to scream and lash out but true to his word, he was tired. Instead, his shoulders slumped and he shook his head. "You know, Bailey told me that humans have a saying. He said that actions speak louder than words…or inaction in this case. I think he may be right."

Thane hung his head, his son's implication was not lost on him. "I know how this must seem-"

"No," Kolyat interrupted, "You don't. You don't have the slightest fucking clue how this must seem. You sit there and talk about opportunities and the future and pretend to give a shit about how everything plays out but that's all it is…a bunch of shit." Kolyat shook his head, "I think this visit is over."

"Son," Thane's eyes widened in disbelief and he opened his mouth to protest. "I-"

"No," Kolyat cut him off. "I've had enough of your…wisdom for one day." He moved to the door and opened it. "Please, leave."

"I- of course," Thane stood and reluctantly made his way through the living area toward the door. He paused before his son. "I will contact you later once you've had some time to…process."

"Yeah," Kolyat croaked. "Whatever."

Thane made a move to leave but hesitated just a moment longer. "Whatever conclusions you may draw," he rumbled. "Know for a fact that I do love you. I always have. That has not and will not ever change."

Kolyat said nothing in response but watched him go with mixed emotions raging inside of him. Part of him wanted to chase after his father and beg him not to go as he had so many times before as a young child. Another part of him wanted to grab the man up by the neck and demand that he takes those words back because, try as he might, he didn't understand how someone could claim to love their family and still do the things his father had done.

Once Thane Krios had vanished into the pedestrian traffic Kolyat retreated back inside his apartment and slammed the door. He paced the small space in agitation. His eyes eventually fell upon the carving of Arashu his father had given him and he stopped his pacing. He sneered at the small statue. It was a useless chunk of rock, little more than a novelty despite its superior craftsmanship. He felt as though he were at the center of some cruel, inhumane joke. How many times had he knelt before a similar statue as a child, face tear-stained, as he begged, pleaded and bargained with the goddess for his mother to be returned to him whole and alive and his father to be home with them both where he belonged? He'd lost count…and faith…long ago.

With a guttural roar, he snatched the sacred carving up from where he had sat it down and hurled it across the room with all of his strength. The heavy stone left a deep, ugly gouge in the wall where it made impact before bouncing off of the bookshelf below it, knocking most of the books off in the process, and landing with an echoing thud on the floor. The C-Sec training manual he had pilfered from Paultus Maurtus came to rest atop of it, hiding it from view.

Kolyat's chest heaved as his breath wheezed in and out of his lungs angrily. He stared daggers through the mess he had made as if it was somehow responsible for how he felt. A horrible keening filled the room and it took Kolyat a moment to realize that he was the one making the awful noise. He sank down into the armchair where his father had sat and buried his head in his hands. The tears came then in earnest. He wept for the mother he had adored who had been taken from him much too soon. He wept for the father he had never really known and would never have the time or opportunity to do so. He wept for himself; the life he had ruined seemingly beyond repair, the future he wouldn't have, and the family he had been denied. He wept until his throat was raw and a gaping, hollow feeling had settled into his chest.

It was several hours later before he finally managed to pull himself back together enough to rise from his stupor. He finally managed to take a look around the small apartment. It had, as of late, become a sort of refuge for him but now it seemed positively stifling. Kolyat decided that he needed to get out and get away from his thoughts. He needed some kind of distraction, he decided. And, possibly, a nice stiff drink.

**End of Chapter 6**

**End Note: Alright, Dear Readers, I wanted to run something by all of you just to get an opinion. I try to write my stories a couple chapters ahead so while you're reading this I am, in all likelihood, working on either Chapter 8 or Chapter 9. By this point in our story (Chapter 6), if you're keeping count, our favorite assassin has about 5 months left to live. We're coming to a point in the near future where some decisions are going to need to be made. I have two different ideas as to which way this story can go. The first involves Thane succumbing to Kepral's and Kolyat dealing with the aftermath and the second involves a change of heart on Thane's part in which he does finally get some kind of treatment (which may or may not have the desired effect). My question to all of you is: Which story line would you be most interested in reading? Drop me a line and let me know. Thanks for reading! **

**~VQ **


	7. Chapter 7

**Falling Away**

**Chapter 7**

**By Voodoo Queen**

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**Author's Note: Hello, Dear Readers! I'd like to pass on my very sincere 'thank you' to those of you who left feedback for the last chapter and provided input into the plot arc of this story: DearChibico, Shepard-Vakarian, and Zemphyra It really, really helps me to organize my thoughts and ideas of where I want this to go as well as helps me keep this as interesting and entertaining for you as possible. Thank you!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything other than my own original characters and my measly, little plot. All the good stuff belongs to their respective copyright holders. **

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

Flux was a comparatively new establishment on the Citadel that was owned and operated by a volus named Doran. The nightclub had quickly become a popular spot and, as usual, was full of patrons either grinding against one another on the dancefloor or drinking their worries away at the bar. Kolyat had found refuge amongst the latter group. Normally he wasn't one for crowds and drell, in general, tended to shun consuming copious amounts of alcohol as it tended to impair their ability to control slipping back into their memories. Kolyat, however, had decided that the promise of inebriation and its mind numbing effects were worth the risk if it meant he could stop thinking about his father and the catastrophe that had become his life even if just for a little while.

Kolyat had seated himself at the end of the bar as far away from the other patrons as was physically possible. Despite the empty shot glasses that littered the bar in front of him, his body still held a tense posture that screamed to be left alone and his cold glare dared anyone to approach uninvited. It was not enough, however, to discourage a few of the braver females in the establishment who had heard 'rumors' about drell anatomy they were eager to validate first hand from coming over and propositioning him. Kolyat had rudely dismissed them one by one. There was only one female he was interested in at the moment and she was slowly approaching him from the other end of the bar.

Kolyat's dark eyes were blurry from drink but he still managed to twist his lips into a weak smile for the red-haired, blue-eyed human female as she sidled up beside him. "Rita," he slurred. "I'd like a couple more of these Kama-chem-kahmzees…"

"Kamikazes," she corrected. Shifting her weight from one hip to the other the waitress eyed him wearily. "Don't you think you've had enough to drink, sugar? Why don't you let me call you a ride so you can go home and sleep it off?"

Kolyat immediately became defensive. "I think I'd know if I'd had too much. You don't know me. I'm not a child. You're not my, my…mother…" His thoughts trailed off and his already glassy eyes seemed to take on a wet sheen as he stared off into space and began mumbling quietly to himself.

"Hey," Rita cautiously poked him in the shoulder with one finger. "Are you alright? Sir? Hello...?" Getting absolutely no response from the drell, the waitress shook her head in pity before stalking off to see to her other customers. "Aliens are so weird when they're drunk…"

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_Kolyat sat on the padded bench beneath the large window in his bedroom with a glum expression on his face. Normally he would have been at school but he had woken up that morning with a fever and a rattling in his chest that had convinced his worried mother that he would be better off staying home and resting for the day. After plying him with fever reducers and decongestants, his mother had created him a comfy little nest out of pillows and blankets while cursing Kahje's humidity the entire time. She had set him up in front of the window where he could see the comings and goings of those that lived near them and hopefully stave off boredom until lunch time. He was surrounded by his favorite toys and books but even they had ceased to interest him a couple hours ago. Instead, he focused all of his energy and attention on watching for any sign of his father returning home. _

_Thane Krios had left his family to go to "work" nearly four weeks ago. It was the longest Kolyat could remember him being gone at one time. He loved his father dearly and wished he had a job like his friends' fathers had. They left their homes every morning but always managed to make it home at night in time to sit down to dinner and spend time with their families. Not his father, though. Thane Krios would leave his family, sometimes with no warning and little more than a note left in his stead to explain his absence, and be gone days, sometimes weeks, at a time. His mother worried whenever he was gone and it was no secret that she disliked her husband's frequent comings and goings but she had still managed to explain to Kolyat that his father was an important man out doing important things. Regardless, Kolyat couldn't help but wish his father wasn't so important. He'd much rather have a not-so-important dad at home to spend time with than an important one he never got to see._

_Kolyat hummed to himself. From his window perch he could see over the rooftops of the neighboring houses to the environmental dome beyond. The sky was its usual angry grey and the sea tossed tumultuously even as the ever-present rain continued to pelt against the protective barrier. Even with all of the hanar's temperature and air filtration technologies dense condensation still formed and ran down the inside wall of the dome in small rivulets. Young though he was, Kolyat was all too aware of the dangers of the damp. All drell learned at an early age not to stray from their domed refuge unless absolutely necessary…it was one more reason why he wished his dad could stay home with he and his mother._

_Kolyat's attention was drawn away from his gloomy surroundings to activity in the back yard. He watched, all curiosity, as two strangely-clad figures clamored over the fence and approached the back of the house. Too young to be suspicious, hope filled the young boy at the prospect of his father's return. Despite still feeling quite under the weather, he had thrown off his warm blankets and ran from his room. His bare feet had thudded gently on the wood of the back staircase as he descended into the kitchen. He skipped excitedly to the door, reaching out, his fused middle fingers had just barely brushed the door knob._

"_Kolyat Krios! You're supposed to be upstairs resting!"_

_Kolyat jerked his hand away from the knob as if he'd been burned. He looked sheepishly up at his mother who had appeared seemingly out of nowhere. "I was…"_

"_Mmmhmm…" Irikah Krios eyed her only child with motherly care and concern before kneeling and pressing a cool hand against the pleated skin on the side of his neck. "You don't feel as warm as you did when you woke up. I'll have to check your temperature again. How are you feeling, love?"_

"_I feel better, momma." Kolyat sucked in a deep breath and blew it out dramatically. "See?"_

_Irikah smiled in amusement, "Yes, I see." She stood back up gracefully and smoothed her long skirt. "Think you're up to some lunch?"_

"_Yes, ma'am!" Kolyat nodded enthusiastically and his stomach growled in agreement._

_His mother laughed and returned to where she had been busily preparing two plates for their midday meal. Kolyat watched her with interest. In his young, adoring eyes, Irikah Krios was the most beautiful woman in the entire known galaxy. Kolyat wasn't alone in his assessment or adoration of the woman, however. His father never seemed to tire of telling her how stunning and amazing she was as both a wife and a mother whenever he was home. The compliments he handed her never ceased to cause a blush to creep up her neck all the way to her frill…a phenomenon that seemed to delight his father each and every time it happened._

_Kolyat studied his mother carefully as she moved expertly around the kitchen. Her sunset-colored eyes sparkled and her scales glistened a bright healthy blue with darker, almost black markings. Kolyat had inherited much of his coloring from her albeit his scales were more of a teal hue with deep, dark-greenish markings and he had his father's eyes. Everything about his mother seemed refined and regal yet she possessed a loving and almost mischievous spirit that never failed to brighten whatever room she may be in. She was a Siha, as his father often said; an angel created by the goddess herself. With her delicate, feminine features she appeared every bit the angel Thane declared her to be._

_Kolyat had pushed the appearance of the strange people in the back yard to the back of his mind as his mother ushered him to the table and sat a steaming plate of his favorite foods in front of him before sitting down next to him with a plate of her own. Eager to fill his belly with his mother's delicious cooking, Kolyat grabbed for his eating utensil only to receive a gentle nudge and a questioning look from his mother._

_Irikah asked with a raised brow, "Aren't we forgetting something?"_

"_Oh, yeah!" Kolyat smiled at his mother before closing his eyes and clasping his small hands together beneath his chin while his mother said a simple blessing of thanks over their food._

"_Alright," Irikah raised her head after her prayer. "Dig in, love."_

_Kolyat had barely enough time to lift the first spoonful to his lips before a furious pounding sounded from the back door. Startled, the utensil clattered from his fingers back onto his plate. Visions of the strangers in the back yard rushed back to the forefront of his mind and all thoughts of their appearance heralding the return of his father flew out when the pounding came again more insistently than before._

_Frightened, Kolyat had jumped from his chair and clung to his mother, looking to her for some kind of reassurance only to see worry etched on her face as well. "Momma?"_

"_Shh," Irikah shushed her son and gave him the most reassuring look she could muster before rising from the table herself and moving toward the door. "Be very quiet, Kolyat…"_

_Kolyat watched in both fear and trepidation as his mother slowly approached the door on silent feet to peek out of the peephole his father had installed during one of his brief stops to check in with his family. "Batarians," she muttered and Kolyat saw her posture stiffen and a faint flush creep up the pleats along her throat and cheeks. It was not the same flush his father's endearing words could cause her. This was a flush that spoke of something upsetting. The worried rumbling working its way out of her chest only reinforced the idea that all was not well but she still managed a serene smile when she looked back in his direction. _

"_Kolyat," she whispered so softly his ears had to strain to hear over the ruckus on the other side of the door. "I need you to be a very, very brave boy. I want you to go upstairs to the 'special place', alright? I want you to hide there and no matter what happens, no matter what you hear, I want you to stay there. Do you understand? Can you do that for me?"_

_Kolyat swallowed audibly and could feel his heart nearly beating out of his chest but he nodded, always wanting to please his mother. "Yes, momma…" _

"_That's my good boy," Irikah knelt to cup her son's chin in her hand and press her brow to his before shooing him up the stairs to face whatever horror lay beyond the door. "I love you, Kolyat."_

XXXXXXXXXX

"Come on," the asari encouraged. "It'll do you good to get out for a bit. You'll feel better, I promise."

"I don't know," her reluctant female human companion winced visibly as she allowed herself to be led into the cacophony of noise that was Flux. "This music is going to be murder on my migraine."

"Oh," the asari waived off her concern. "We'll get a few drinks in you and you'll forget all about that headache."

"I really shouldn't be here," the human argued. "I need to pick up Lohal from Gigi and get home to check my messages to see if there's any news from Kahje."

"Amanda, honey," the asari stopped and turned to her friend, gripping one of her hands in her own and squeezing affectionately. "I know you're worried-"

"Fayna," Amanda tried to interrupt.

"No, listen," the asari shook her head. "You are completely stressed out right now. You'll be finishing up school soon. You're about to start your internship. Now you unexpectedly have Lohal to take care of and this whole situation with Utira and Dronu to figure out and on top of that you're trying to sort through all this hanar legal mess…you need to step back and catch your breath."

"I can't," Amanda insisted. "There's too much that needs to be done and I can't even think straight right now. I'm scared to death that something horrible has happened to Utira and Dronu and the damned hanar…"

"Hey," Fayna cut in. "You don't know anything for sure, alright? This all may be just a big misunderstanding."

"Misunderstanding?" Amanda looked at her friend incredulously. "What kind of parent calls someone halfway across the galaxy in tears begging them to come get their child over a misunderstanding?"

"That's an easy one," Fayna smiled as she tried to put her friend's mind at ease. "The kind that knows what an amazing friend you are."

"You didn't hear Utira's voice, Fayna," Amanda shuddered. "She sounded so lost…"

Fayna sighed sadly. "We'll figure it out." She gave her friend's hand another squeeze as she continued to lead her over to the bar. "I promise."

"Yeah," Amanda muttered. "I hope so."

"What'll it be, ladies?"

Fayna smiled at the bartender. "I'd like a strawberry daiquiri and my friend here could probably use a rum and coke."

"Rum and coke?" Amanda looked at her friend and wrinkled her nose.

"For starters." Fayna gave her a mischievous wink and nudged her shoulder. "I'm going to run to the ladies room really quickly. I'll be right back. Watch my drink for me."

"Sure." Amanda sighed as she watched her friend disappear into the direction of the restrooms. When the bartender returned with their drinks, she grasped her glass and turned to look at the crowd that filled the nightclub, taking intermittent sips of her beverage in the process. She wasn't much of a drinker, or a club person for that matter, but she conceded that her friend was probably right. She did need to catch her breath. Maybe she did need some time away from the crazy whirlwind that had become her life as of late. She made to turn back toward the bar to sit her glass down when something…rather someone…caught her eye.

All the way at the very end of the bar, tucked into the farthest corner, nearly hidden within the shadows of the dim club lights, sat a drell. Drell, she knew, were a rarity outside of Kahje. In fact, in her entire life she had only met four of them. First had been Utira Niol. She and the woman had become fast friends many years ago as children when both had found themselves on the Citadel due to circumstances in their lives neither had any control over. The second had been Dronu Drius, a friendly, charming young man who had managed to capture Utira's heart after a rather vigorous pursuit on his part. The two had been married, a union that had resulted in the blessing of a beautiful little boy named Lohal, the third drell Amanda had ever known, and one she had felt privileged to accept guardianship over when Utira and Dronu had approached her with the idea should anything ever happen to them when Lohal was still an infant. That was something she didn't wish to think about that now.

Her fourth, and most recent, drellish acquaintance was a bit of a mystery. Kolyat Krios, he'd finally told her was his name. Their first meeting had been infuriating and she had quickly written him off as someone she hoped to never run into again. Their second meeting that same day had come not long after she had received a desperate call from Utira begging her to come to Kahje and take her son away from there. She had not been in the best frame of mind at the time and when she had realized it was the same angry young man she'd dealt with earlier approaching her inside of Apollo's she had felt immense dread welling up in the pit of her stomach in expectation of another confrontation. Then, he had done the unexpected and simply apologized to her.

It was an action that clearly made him uncomfortable and even in her emotional state she could tell that what he was doing was hard for him. She wasn't sure if it was the stress she felt or the worry over her friends on Kahje but the drell had struck an emotional chord and she had found herself in tears which had only served to make the encounter that more awkward for the both of them. Thinking back on it later, she had been utterly embarrassed and hoped never to cross paths with him again. Then one morning they had their third meeting when he had shown up on her doorstep unexpectedly asking for a donation to a charity which she had gladly given him after a brief misunderstanding and a short but friendly conversation. Perhaps, she had mused once he had left her apartment, he wasn't as horrible as their first two encounters had led her to believe.

Looking at him now, however, hidden in the back corner of the club, he seemed out of sorts and just as lost as Utira had sounded when she had spoken with her last. He was surrounded by empty shot glasses and staring off into space which in itself was sad enough. No one else seemed to notice or care about the way his dark eyes seemed glazed over and the tell-tale trails of moisture that meandered their way down the scales on his cheeks and disappeared into the pleated flesh beneath his chin. She was an expert by no means but she had spent enough time with Utira and Dronu to know what a memory looked like and judging by the look of agony on the man's face he wasn't experiencing a good one by any stretch.

Amanda took a sip of her drink and pursed her lips. She glanced back in the direction of the ladies' room but saw no sign of her asari friend's return. She sighed and turned back to the bar, still watching the drell out of the corner of her eye. She couldn't hear him from where she was but she could see his lips just barely moving and his chest hitch occasionally with a ragged breath. Nope, she decided, whatever it was it was definitely not a good memory.

She swallowed another mouthful of her rum and coke. She didn't really know the guy. It wasn't like they were friends or anything. They'd barely exchanged but a handful of words. He'd already warned her off once in regards to non-solicited assistance. Plus, she did already have more on her plate than she could comfortably deal with and tonight with Fayna was supposed to be about blowing off some of that stress. But, she noticed, he was beginning to draw curious stares from other patrons who had begun to notice what seemed to them as very strange behavior.

"Damn it, Amanda," She took one last swig of her drink before pushing it away with a sigh and rising from her stool. "You never learn."

**End of Chapter 7**


	8. Chapter 8

**Falling Away**

**Chapter 8**

**By Voodoo Queen**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Author's Note: Hello, Dear Readers! I'm happy to bring you the eighth chapter in this little ME saga. As usual, I'd like to give a huge thank you hug to those who took the time to review the last chapter: Kasuka-chan. I want you to know that I do read every one of your comments and I do consider all of the suggestions and criticism you provide. I'd also like to thank all of you who either added this story to your favorites or your alert list. I hope you all enjoy the chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything other than my own original characters and my measly, little plot. All the good stuff belongs to their respective copyright holders. **

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

Once Kolyat was finally able to force his eyes open, he immediately hissed in pain and squeezed them shut again. The light streaming in from the window above his head had fallen across his face and had felt like two red-hot daggers being stabbed through his eyeballs and into his brain. His right arm, seemingly of its own accord, shot out to fumble desperately for the drawstring that hung near the bed. After a couple flailing attempts he managed to tangle the twine in his fingers and yank the curtains closed, shrouding the room in blessed darkness. Though his eyes no longer felt like they were on fire, his head pounded with a ferocity he had seldom ever felt. That, however, he thought he could live with at least until he could get his bearings.

Gingerly, Kolyat pushed himself up on his elbows. Even that slight movement caused the world to spin precariously and his stomach to clench in protest. It took a moment of intense concentration and willpower for him to convince both his addled brain and his queasy stomach that the room wasn't tilted off its axis and that it was safe to take a look around. Doing so, however, only served to remind Kolyat why he wasn't normally a drinker…problems or no.

As a drell, Kolyat remembered everything, even things he desperately wished that he could forget. His memory of the night previous, however was full of holes and inconsistencies due to the amount of alcohol he had consumed in what had been a relatively short amount of time. Those blank spaces in his consciousness in which he couldn't remember where he had been or what he had done were unsettling to say the very least. Finding himself in his bedroom with no clear recollection of how he had come to be there had him on edge. The last semi-clear thing he could remember was getting into a small argument with the waitress over how much he'd had to drink and then he'd been home sick from school and his mother had been….

"Damn it," Kolyat cursed and blinked away the memory that threatened to rear its ugly head uninvited once again. Alcohol induced solipsism, he deduced. It figured that it would have been one of his deepest darkest memories, one of his most painful. He was sure he'd probably broken down inside of Flux like a blithering idiot for everyone to see. He would now have to add the nightclub to his mental list of places to avoid like the plague. To that end, it was probably best that he didn't remember, he mused. Still, he was at a loss to explain how he had gotten from point A to point B.

Bracing himself for the disorientation that was sure to follow, Kolyat rose to a full sitting position. In doing so, the light sheet fell away from his body to reveal his naked chest. For one brief moment, he felt something akin to panic at the thought that he had, perhaps, finally given in under duress and brought one of the women from the nightclub home with him. It wasn't that he was a virgin, certainly he'd gotten quite familiar with a couple girls back on Kahje, but the thought of a stranger, from a bar no less, invading his space made him feel strangely violated in a way he couldn't quite put words to. More so due to the fact that he couldn't remember engaging in any such activities.

His worries seemed unfounded, however, when he finally managed to swing his legs over the side of the bed and found that he was still wearing the pants he'd had on the previous evening minus his boots. He breathed an honest sigh of relief. It seemed that in his inebriated state he'd at least had enough fortitude to repel the advances of the opposite sex. The last thing he needed on top of everything else, he groused, was some female hanging around and getting in his way.

Standing finally, he fought a brief battle against the accompanying wave of dizziness and nausea before shuffling his way toward the bathroom. His bladder was screaming at him that it had been pushed to well beyond its capacity and the inside of his mouth tasted like a sewer and he was sure his breath smelled even worse. He desperately needed to relieve the pressure in his lower abdomen and scrub his teeth. Entering the bathroom and flipping the light on, however, caused his stomach to drop and all thoughts of dealing with his present physical discomfort to immediately evaporate.

It seemed innocent enough at first glance, thoughtful even to the untrained eye. A vial of pain relievers sat beside of bottle of water on the counter next to the bathroom sink. Both rested atop what looked to be a ragged scrap of paper torn hastily from a notebook. There was nothing overtly malicious about the scene and Kolyat was hard pressed to explain his sudden feelings of anxiety and, dare he say, embarrassment. Another look around the small bathroom only added to his feelings. His missing shirt lay on top of the laundry hamper along with a towel and a small washcloth emanating the unmistakable scent of regurgitated alcohol. When the smell hit his nose Kolyat felt his stomach being to protest once again in memory of the night before. Swallowing down the bile in his throat he reached with unsteady fingers toward the items left on the sink when a disjointed and fractured memory fragment hit him like a ton of bricks.

XXXXXXXXXX

_The sounds of the struggle downstairs had stopped some time ago but his fear kept him rooted to the spot for what seemed like hours before he finally mustered up enough courage to leave his hiding spot and go in search of his mother. She had told him to stay hidden no matter what and he was a good boy. He always did what was asked of him. He was always eager to please, especially his mother. He always obeyed without question but he was so frightened. He needed someone, he needed his mother to tell him that everything was going to be alright. He wanted her to gather him up in her arms and tell him that father would be home soon. Father would know how to fix this and everything would be fine again. He'd wanted to hear her say those words so desperately but mother only stared at the ceiling, asleep with her eyes open and her mouth agape in a silent scream. Her body was bent in ways that he'd never seen before, ways he hadn't thought were possible, ways that couldn't be comfortable. How could she sleep in such a state? Sticky red coated the front of her once yellow dress. Sticky red was everywhere but still she wouldn't get up. _

"_I can't get her to wake up," Kolyat stumbled and his stomach lurched. His throat burned as the contents of his stomach made their way back up the way they'd come. He braced himself in the bathroom doorway, retching all over himself and all over the floor. "What am I going to do? She won't wake up and father isn't home," he croaked once he'd caught his breath. "He's never home…"_

"_Shh," a presence to his left soothed. An arm encircled his waist seemingly without any care for the mess he's made of himself and the floor, and guided him the rest of the way into the bathroom. "You're alright now. You're home, you're safe…"_

"_He left us," he whimpered. Tears burnt in his sensitive eyes like acid. "He's gone and she's so cold." He seemed to come to a sudden panicked realization. His breathing hitched in his chest, "I'm alone…"_

"_It's okay," the feminine voice tried to alleviate his fears. "You're not alone. I'm right here."_

_He feels himself propped against the sink now. Careful hands work the closures on his shirt and push the soiled garment off of his shoulders. The comforting presence moves away then and immediately he feels the absence. He reaches out to try to grasp it, to pull it back to his side but is thrown off balance instead. The sudden movement causes his stomach to rebel once again. The other soul in the room seems to sense his distress and is back by his side again all in the span of a heartbeat._

_Vaguely, he's aware of the sound of running water but was more concerned with the warm body next to his own. The why's and how's of how they had come to be with him in his small, cramped bathroom didn't matter so much as did the fact that he wanted them to remain thus. He opened his mouth to share his seemingly random train of thought but instead of words he found himself heaving once again._

_Hands gripped his arm, pulling urgently. Those same hands were on his shoulders now, pushing him down, forcing him to his knees and urging him to lean forward. He lost it then. The contents of his stomach erupted from his mouth to splatter into the toilet bowl before him. The person kneeling next to him seemed unaffected, however. One of their hands rubbed calming circles between his shoulder blades on the bare skin of his back while the other pressed something wonderfully cool and damp against his burning forehead. He only got to enjoy the sensations for a fleeting moment before he was once again hunkered down over the toilet wracked with the after-effects of his ill-fated evening._

_It was several long, agonizing minutes before the heaving in his guts died down enough that he could draw breath to speak. "Don't," he whispered and the gentle hands immediately stopped in their ministrations. He shook his head, clenching his jaw against the dizziness such a small movement brought. That wasn't what he'd meant. He tried again. "Don't," he managed. "Don't leave me…"_

"_Everything's going to be okay, Kolyat," hesitantly the voice spoke as their hands slowly resumed their duties. "You're okay. I'm not going anywhere."_

XXXXXXXXXX

Kolyat had broken out into a cold sweat and his entire body trembled as he blinked away the last vestiges of fragmented memory. Without much thought, he reached for the pain relievers, popped the top off of the vial with his thumb and tossed three of them into his mouth. Tossing the vial of pills back onto the sink, he reached for the bottle of water with his other hand. He twisted off the lid and pitched it into the trash before proceeding to gulp down half of the bottle. His dark eyes settled then on the scrap of paper and he felt dread settle into his gut.

He may not have inadvertently brought a stranger home to bed them but someone had certainly dragged his sorry carcass back to his apartment. To add insult to injury, or rather humiliation, they had cared for him as if he were a helpless child while he'd been puking his guts out due to his own irresponsible actions. He almost wished he had woken up naked in bed next to a nameless stranger. A night of drunken passion was, at least in his mind, easier to write off and push to the back of his mind than was putting all of his inner-most demons on full, glorious display for all of the world to judge and observe.

He didn't want to do it. What he wanted to do was snatch the paper up, crumple it, throw it in the trash, and pretend last night had never happened. Instead, with unsteady fingers he plucked the paper up from where it lay. Taking a deep, fortifying breath, he unfolded the note and began to read. Each simple line only added more shame and humiliation to that which he already felt at being caught so vulnerable and unaware.

_Hi Kolyat,_

_You may not remember me-what am I saying? Of course you do! Anyway, to make a long story short, my friend and I were at Flux last night. I saw you there and you didn't look like you were having a very good time. I got your address from your omni-tool (you left it unlocked…hope you don't mind) and made sure you got home. I left you some pain killers and a bottle of water which I'm sure you've found if you're reading this. I figured you'd need them worse that I do when you wake up._

_Take care,_

_Amanda Allen_

Kolyat wasn't sure if he was more angered or relieved that the stranger who had helped him home hadn't been that much of a stranger after all. It had been an entire week since he'd knocked on her door asking for a donation for the Counsel's charity. They'd only encountered one another twice prior to that and neither occasion could be considered especially friendly. When he'd stepped into her apartment that day, however, she hadn't seemed the least bit put off by his past behavior. In fact, she had barely even mentioned in passing that they'd met before. It was much the same with the letter he still clutched in his hands, omitting all the bad parts and Kolyat was certain there had been more of those than what he could recall at the moment. There was, for whatever reason, something almost comforting in the knowledge that she had been there despite the gnawing sense of violation he felt but he didn't want to dwell on that too much.

Deciding that he had to do something besides stand there and contemplate his own shortcomings, he relieved himself finally before quickly stripping himself of the rest of his clothing and hopping into the shower. He turned the water on as hot as he could physically stand and stood beneath the spray with his eyes closed allowing it to pelt down upon him. Steam wasn't good for drell, or water in general, but he could imagine the deluge of hot water rinsing away all of the painful things that plagued him and sending them swirling down the drain. He stood beneath the stream until the water began to turn cold forcing him to quickly scrub away the remaining scents clinging to his scales from the previous night before the water became too frigid to tolerate.

Stepping from the shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist before moving to the sink to tackle the horrible taste in his mouth. His brushed his teeth with urgency wishing nothing more than to rid himself of the fermented taste of alcohol and vomit that still clung to his tongue as a reminder of the previous night. When he was satisfied with the result, he moved back into his bedroom to search for something to wear.

It was a simple decision, really. He hadn't brought much with him when he'd come from Kahje. Two sets of civilian clothes and two sets of C-Sec trainee uniforms made up the extent of his wardrobe. One set of civilian clothes lay in the bathroom covered in vomit and he didn't have to report to Bailey today which greatly aided in his decision making. He supposed he could go out and shop for some new attire since he was apparently going to be on the Citadel much longer than he'd anticipated but he really didn't see much point in it. He didn't care. It wasn't like he was trying to impress anyone.

Kolyat dressed quickly but he wasn't sure what to do with himself now. His anger over the meeting with his father yesterday had dulled considerably under the circumstances and had been mostly replaced with a feeling of indignity and mortification over the actions that had followed. He was better than this, he scolded himself. He shouldn't care. He shouldn't allow the man to infuriate him so…drive him to cause himself such embarrassment. He shouldn't care, he kept telling himself, but he did and last night's events were one more thing Kolyat had found to hold against his father.

He could feel the uneasiness settling back into his bones as he moved through the small apartment and out into the main living area. There he once again found himself at a loss. A lump of emotion formed in his throat and he tried in vain to swallow it back down. The mess he had made in his fit of rage was nowhere to be seen. The books that had littered the floor had been neatly rearranged back upon the shelf. More importantly, perhaps, the alabaster carving of Arashu that his father had gifted him with had been rescued from where it had been discarded on the floor. Kolyat hadn't been sure where to place it when he'd first received it but seeing it now, perched on the wide sill of the small window to the right of the bookshelf where the ambient light from outside could stream in an illuminate the pure, white stone, he felt he couldn't have found a more appropriate place for it if he'd tried. When he'd woke earlier, he'd been uncertain as to what his next step should be. If he had felt confused before, he now felt utterly lost and alone. Gazing at the statue of Arashu, however, he could sense the first pricklings of long discarded hope forming in his mind. He now, at least, had some idea of how he would be spending his morning.

**End of Chapter 8**


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